full on hardcore, XXX full penetration blog post

To my one loyal reader:
Sorry it’s taken so long to post again.

Not a lot of stuff to post about, but a few things:

Years ago a friend of mine started dating this girl; I’ll call her Miss LM; and after awhile they began to get a little more serious. As relationships often do when you’re young certain questions were asked that you didn’t want to know the answers to. He found out the reason she was so good in bed at such an early age was that she’d been boinking for five years. (She was 18 at the time.) Come to find out when she was 12 she’d had a little bike accident and the seat had popped the proverbial cherry. (See it was a bike related post.) In her feeble mind since she no longer was technically a virgin then it was OK to go ahead and screw about a dozen guys per year. Sick twisted logic, but it worked for her.

But I digress:

Had a little shop day/urban day with Buddy and his buddies a few weeks back. Fun day, cold beer, and Buddy being Buddy. Jumpin’ this; droppin’ that…all on his rigid ass rigid. I did get the first two rounds of the derby only to be shut down by Mr. Stoppy. (More on that in a minute.) Other than that all my rides have been local BA urban jaunts. Fun stuff but hopefully I'll be at Turkey tomorrow to taste that lovely jewel again.

OK; I’ve learnt my lesson. You know the old saying; “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”? Or as W would say:
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
Well to the cats that keep saying they’re gonna meet up with me and ride then somehow always have an excuse or a lie; here’s to you pals:

Now to wrap up this post:
Fast forward some twenty-odd years from statements above and as I’ve stated being shut down by Mr. Stoppy; I’ve finally decided to learn how to do a right and proper Stoppy. (Nose wheelie to the uninitiated.) I found a nice level concrete pad while riding the ‘hood with the kids the other day that had a nice little soft slope off to the side that I thought would be a good landing if things went awry. (They always do.) Anyway after the first two attempts I realized that to get the rear of the bike up you have to commit to getting your weight forward; there is no middle ground. You either give ‘er and get it airborne or you half-ass it and get no loft. So I give ‘er and sure ‘nuff the ass end comes up nicely, I ride the front wheel for about 3 feet then do the unimaginable…I fully let off the front brake. Can you picture it? I still can. My weight shifts back at the exact same time the bike goes hurdling forward and somehow, someway that fucking seat nose nails me square on the rosebud, thus seemingly taking my anal cherry. I don’t know if you can say I was actually penetrated but I promise that saddle spread the ole’ browneye a bit. One of the kids hears me scream out and asks what’s wrong with me to which I of course can’t just say I’ve been raped by a WTB saddle; I can only reply that all is OK. Thank god I had on shorts and undies that day or I might just be following in the steps of Miss LM. I mean I had lost my cherry so why not…right?

Ewww; bad visuals there.

How about some bike porn? Here ya go; this’ll help take your mind off that rape scene:

Nice eh?

Oh, and one more thing. After 28 good years of dippin’ I’ve finally decided to quit. It has SUCKED for me and those around me. Come to find out I can be quite the dick. Only two bad vices left; beer drinkin’ and beef yankin’, and you’ll have to pry my beer from one cold dead hand and my dick from the other cold dead hand.