new year's resolutions?

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 

3. Read less. 

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 

5. Procrastinate more. 

6. Drink. Drink some more. 

7. Take up a new habit: smoking. 

8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night. 

9. Spend more time at work. 

10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. 

11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 

12. Quit giving money & time to charity. 

14. Start being superstitious. 

15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 

16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 

17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms. 

18. Personal goal: bring back disco.

Blog more, the fans are dying for more of our dribble!

Ride posts coming soon, I got two so far and maybe, just maybe two more before the holiday's over.

A sad yuletide passing (with some festive cheer)

I don't know if you guys & laydeez have heard through whatever channels, the eventual outcome of that appalling International Freeride Competition incident involving a Giant rider, a Santa Cruz rider and a Specialized rider(?)

Tragically, due to the exceptional events involved; all three had unfortunately been pronounced dead earlier today; how untimely, less than only 48 hours before Christmas Day!!

Upon reaching the gates leading into Heaven; St Peter stood before the three departed and announced, "It is customary in these circumstances during the Festive Period, that in order to progress beyond the pearly gates; those seeking access into Heaven can only acheive this by demonstrating an attribute synonymous with Christmas "The fallen Giant rider dutifully reaches into his backpack; flicks and holds aloft his cigarette lighter, anouncing, "Look; a candle!" "Very well", responded St Peter, "You may pass beyond the gates"

The Santa-Cruz rider is the next to step forward; he reaches into his backpack and brings out his set of house keys, subsequently jingling them in-front of St Peter. "Behold - Bells!" says he"Mais Oui!" replies St Peter and the Santa Cruz rider duly continues into Heaven.

Finally, only the Specialized rider remains at the entrance to Nirvana, rummaging frantically through the contents of his backpack. Eventually, he stands before St Peter, unscrumpling a well-worn pair of the sexiest of women's skimpy undies and holds these forth in open hands "What in tarnation has this abomination got to do with Christmas, the most sacred of festive celebrations??!!" Demanded St Peter in utter disgruntled disbelief"Erm....................They are Carol's!" came the reply

This is about as close to riding as I got today, couple inches of rain and 40 degree weather'll do that to a feller. Maybe tomorrow.

BTW, story stolen from an MTBR thread.

Peace

here i got you something

How cute is that huh? Damn skippy it's cute.

I'll be out and about hoping w/fingers X'd to ride the next nine, yes 9, days in a row. I'll let you know how it goes.

Peace
Out
Bitches

it's gone, the shit that is, i ate it

Ever had one of those rides that starts out crappy only to get better? Me too but that's not what happened yesterday.

Supposed to get started at Turkey Mtn. at 9; so of course one dude shows up at 9:20. After he gets his kit on its then about 9:35 and up to the top we go. The weatherman had promised that the 40 degree temps we're experiencing will go up to about 48 by noon them plummet like corn loaded turds. Anyway he was fucking wrong, as soon as we got to the top it was quite obvious the wind had already switched and was coming out of the north so we'd already peaked at a brisk 42 or so. Anyway we head over to snake run and I'm givin' 'er but she ain't motoring like normal since it was straight into the wind and the trail was nice and tacky. Oh well I'm thinking by the time we get out of there I'll be nice and toasty. WRONG! By the time we get out of there I'm a fatass popsicle who's right big toe was now having pins poked into it. So we dicked around for awhile and finally one guy says he's got to go home so we head to the lot which means wind at our backs but higher speed in cold weather evened that out so nobody could get warmed up. After waiting for what seemed like forever the rest of the crew shows up and it’s decided we’ll do bomb cellar so it’s another fast blast to keep everyone refrigerated.

I’d decided I’d had enough since my right big toe was now past numb and past exhilarating and approaching snapping off.

But I got talked into riding Lo Chi.

That’s when the commode stopped up to top off the nasty shit.

Four of us commence to riding Lo Chi, me, a dude named Lance who lacks in skill but kills it with balls and legs, and two others who are fairly new to the game. After we get past the initial tech bits I decide to open ‘er up and see if Lance can hang thru the berms and get his flow on and of course to see if my skills could overcome his legs. Well I won out; after about three turns I look over my shoulder to see if he’s there and he’s back quite aways so I let ‘er rip. You know how it is, you’ve finally been released and the scenery is flying by and you’re nailing spot after spot and since it’s leafy as hell you’re right at the edge of adhesion. It’s fucking cool right, you know the kinda cool where occasionally you’re having to manhandle the bitch a bit ‘cause the front tires sliding out due to the leaves and yet you keep your speed and flow going? Yeah, you feeling it? Me too, then something happened; I was flying thru the air with no bike, only about 2.5 feet off the ground. I landed about 10-12 feet from my bike and thanks to the leaves and the lack of rocks (thanks trailbuilder) I slid another eight feet on the ground. (Kinda cool, but hurts like shit today.) After shaking off the cobwebs I reenacted the event to find that I’d come thru a berm, yanked on the bars to center the bike, and placed the front tire right smack dab in front of a rock; bars twist, slap upper thigh, and I go superman/no seat grab. Initial injury was quite unexplainable, a cramp in my calf? I don’t understand it either but once I get home and head to the crapper, obviously to shit out the shit that I just ate, grab the latest Decline mag, assume the position with elbows touching upper thighs and wince in pain to find out that I did have a spot or two other than the leg cramp. Odd how I didn’t notice that earlier, adrenaline I guess. About an hour later I go thru one of my post bronchitis coughing bits to learn that I also bruised something in my upper gut in the slide that now is quite noticeable to me anytime I laugh, cough, turn, or especially when I…you guessed it…shit!

Peace out bitches and get some.

top 10 bitches, TOP 10!!!

What a fucking weekend eh? Friday afternoon went for a little dirt spin @ Turkey & Saturday got my ass rocked off by these boys:

The one and only Eagles of Death Metal! Here I sit 24 hours later still getting off on the show. How good was it? I broke with tradition and bought a killer t-shirt with the hands logo on it and I NEVER buy a t-shirt, but these dudes deserve some more of my hard earned duckets!$$$

I would normally spend more time on the ride report but fuck my ears are still battered and bruised from last nights show; here's the link...go check 'em out! Eagles of Death Metal

And in case you're wondering if it's a blitzkrieg of rock the answer is no, it's not some total lameass 2 to 3 chord losers pounding out nonsense riffs louder than the other losers; it's straight up kickass rock-n-roll with a kick ass attitude!

See here:

And Here Shit Goddamn:

And let's not forget:

Oh, and how did I crack the top 10 out of 700 others? Well perseverance, hard work, dedicated to my goals, and just flat outlasting my competition...that's how!

You see by now alot of others would've given up but quit ain't in my dictionary and that's how at age 44 I was easily in the top 10 of oldest fuckers at the gig; but I promise you this, nobody there had a better time and nobody rocked any harder than I did!

Well, maybe the misses who was downing PBR's like they were ice fucking water!

Cool chick, very cool chick!

And let's not forget about Sammy, congrats to what seems to be a great guy, but umm looks like Fox Sports fucked it up the ass hard! From www.deadspin.com:

Boomer fuckin' Sooner

Like most typical OU fans I didn't go there but like most as a kid I dreamed of playing there, ergo lifetime fan.

This annihilation was flatout amazing. OU gets the Big XII Championship AND fucks over Texas head coach Mack Brown on the same night! How sweet it is!

Love this pic from www.deadspin.com:

One more game, and sadly my hopes aren't up too high for that one.

I know this is a cycling blog (mainly) and I know Buddy doesn't give a shit, but I do so if it bothers you then eat me.

get off my ASS

Yep it's been awhile but Buddy's been itching to post and so have I. 

The years been a little weird, I moved east of B.A. and somehow ended up in Tulsa? Go figure, anyway love the new house and the new schools that go along with it. (Still B.A. schools, again go figure.)

The riding scene's been wacky. I was starting to think that I'd ran off all my riding friends and then all of a sudden everyone's riding again along with a few new fellers; and I owe it all to my wife. Thus the blog post begins:

On August 9th I went for a little 13 mile ride with my wife and her boss, the pricipal where my wife is the librarian. The boss had been training for a half marathon and was starting to get in shape and wanted to try a bike ride for a cross training exercise. Now boss lady hadn't been on a bike in like 8 years and my wife hadn't ridden in like 3. (Went back to get her grad degree and started working, good enough excuses.) Anyway we ride about 13 miles total; when finished I'm in the parking lot waiting for them to arrive and upon arrival my wife says "Gene (boss) asked if we did the MS150 would you stay with us and I told her yes." (The two day 150 mile ride was in 5 weeks!) I concur and then Gene starts doing the math, she goes something like "so if we ride 8 mph we'd be done in like 10 hours the first day", so I of course shit myself and said something like "my ass won't be on any saddle for 10 hours so I'm out unless you two agree to a plan I concoct and stick to it", of course they agree and both being stubborn stuck to all the rides I'd planned for them without a single bitch session.

So the day before the MS150 commences they ask the question "do you think we can finish it?" and being honest Abe I answer "kinda", I said they could do the miles but didn't think they could do all the hills. (Which were all at about mile 70, short and freakin' steep!) Being the dummy I am they of course finish ALL of it and also make every freakin' climb and also finish the first day with about 7.5 hours of riding time. I was blown away and even shed a tear for the wife when she finished; yes I was proud of her! And btw for those of you who didn't ride the MS this year, it was held the weekend that the remnants of hurricane Ike blew thru, and yes it blew.

Since then it's been until recently riding, riding, and more riding. I've shed a bunch of the weight I'd sadly found over the last two years and am more stoked than ever.

Here's the crew. (I'm the fat but cute one and that beanpole on the left in the pic is none other than wifey)

Looking forward to more rides with the wife and yes that includes Turkey since she's got the nerve up to mtn. bike again and can't wait to get over this run of illnesses I've had lately and get back out in the dirt for night rides.

Too much fun!!!

Damn, almost forgot. Two days before the MS ride a crack in the wife's headtube showed up; T-Town calls Specialized tells them the details they say no problem, Jake says well there is, the MS ride is in two days, Specialized overnights a new frame and at the same time upgrades her two models! From the cheapo basic Allez to one with pimpin' carbon stays, a new carbon fork, and a free carbon post to boot! I've never been a fan of the horst link mtn. bikes but I may take another look next time I'm in the market for a ride.

Duh, how could I not mention this? The Evil Powers of Rock n' Roll blessed OKC with an hour show opening up for Rev. Horton Heat, fucking awesome. I've said it before and I'll say it again, how these guys don't sell a billion albums is beyond me; check 'em out! Click this shit!

Wow, there's a lot of shit bouncing around in my noggin''. Look for more posts and blasphemy spewage soon.

a tale of 2 bro's

I've mentioned here numerous times two of my favorite people to ride with are my bro Stuart, a natural blood relative bro, and bro Rich the wacky speed demon in-law. Well they've both had their health issues recently; Stuart's had multiple surgeries over the last two years and has one more coming soon which by his standards should be minor, a mere hernia that reaches from his sternum to the upper base of the peni peninsula. Stuart’s on a tear and itching to ride and Rich is on another riding plane right now healing up from a massive clusterfuck crash. (Pics later!)

Stuart’s recently bought another house (3) in Texas and called the other day; he was in a bike shop (bad move) and looking to buy a bike to keep there so he wouldn’t have to move his fancy-ass Enduro from location to location. The bike shop sales dude recommended this: That's a Fisher Cobia, retail about a G.

That made a ton of sense since Stuart is 6’6” tall so a two-niner seems like a perfect fit. However the sales rep didn’t realize that Stuart doesn’t ever buy the cheapest thing around so he took upon himself to upgrade to this:

That's a GF X-Caliber retail about a G & a half.

Now the dumbass has got me jonesin' for a 29'er. He's supposed to be in town this weekend and bring the new steed. He wants to ride the two back-to-back and see what the differences in rides are. That's cool, especially for a dude that's only mtn. biked a handful of times in his life. Of course he was bitten pretty dangerously by the bug before his health became an issue. An FYI, his health issues weren't his fault, what was all minor became massive due to poor healthcare and great insurance.

On to Rich; I'd mentioned sometime in the past that he'd had a severe road bike accident. He swears he was going quite slowly upon impact but the pic's tell a different story. I'll only explain the wreck, I don't need to pass any judgements or make any smart-ass comments; the pictures paint quite a story by themselves. Rich swears he was only (only) doing about 35 when he wrecked; he was descending (Mt. Tam I believe) when he hit the brakes and his front tire popped off the rim tossing him to the tarmac (road ride) thus breaking his pelvis in numerous places.

The resulting scar of a 22 pin surgery w/one broken drill bit left for good measure:

Other than a gasp I've got nothing else to say, except get well of course!

faux in a raux

God I suck at this blogging thing; I often mean to post but often forget or get busy or just don’t care.

Anyway, for the 4th year in a row I made a pilgrimage to Greenleaf during Christmas vacation. Knock on wood I haven’t been sick in a long time and am able to take my sick leave during this week. In years past my goal was to ride everyday and actually accomplished this goal for 3 running years but the last 2 haven’t been able to, but I’ve at least kept the tradition of a Greenleaf ride, and it’s getting tougher every year.

As usual I rode the lollipop in a counter clockwise rotation to minimize the amount of hill climbs (hike-a-bike’s for me) and to maximize the amount of killer downhills. However this year’s most smiles for the miles route wasn’t too hot. While Greenleaf wasn’t hit by the recent ice storms that destroyed Turkey and Keystone they were devastated by last years ice storms that crushed Muskogee; meaning there were still LOTS of trees down. Seemingly every opportunity to open it up and let ‘er rip on the downhills was interrupted by a downed tree, often every 200 yards or so. The dismount/remount tally between getting off to hike-a-bike and dismounting to get over or around the downed trees easily added up to over 100 and it fucking sucked! But compared to my riding partner Stacy I fared really well. At the 40% completion point he realized his knees were giving up on him and by the time we finished they were swollen and killing him; I actually felt sorry for the poor bastard. (I’ll get over that I’m sure.) The only problem I had was cramping in an odd spot; just above my knees on both sides. They got so bad at one point; about 400 yards from the finish, that I had to dismount and just stand. The pain had got so bad that I couldn’t pedal or walk, just stand there looking like an idiot; not that there was anyone around to see me but humiliating just the same.

As is typical of Greenleaf outings, when you first leave you think “screw this place, I ain’t ever coming back”; but after a few days the memory fades and you think “hell yeah, I can’t wait to get back there!” My passion to return is stoked by the memory of the final downhill section, it’s about a 3 minutes downhill that’s super rocky/technical white knuckle steep in one section and what Greenleaf is all about for me. I just need to buy one new replacement part for the Heckler and I’ll be good to go.

Try climbing hills with that pedal! I think this was part of the reason I cramped; while the often lauded great mud shedding capabilities of the eggbeaters was improved by 25% it made the clipping in possiblities decrease by 25% too; and it ALWAYS was in the wrong position when trying to remount.

I’m already looking forward ‘til next year.

taking the easy route

Instead of a full fledged write-up of current rides I'll post a quick story I sent to Buddy:

Man, this may be the most sore I've ever been after a 2 hr. ride. I parked up top and rode snake & the squiggly stuff up top and just kind of dicked around trying to re-learn the lights and learn where I need to point my head now that I've got a headlight too. All good & fun & confusing learning to point my head away from the trail to see where it goes up ahead. So after a good learning session I hit the upper squiggles again and come across two dear at the end then headed over to boner/techno/millenium (whatever it's called.) Wow I was a rockstar...for about 1/2 mile. I made it across the creek crossing which surprised me and after awhile I thought to myself hmmm, wonder if I can ride this entire thing dab free which lead to...you guessed it, a true dab-festival. I was all over the trail and saddle with lots of boneless moves. (see skateboarding where you plant a foot) The one thing the lights do not do well is let you know which rock is firmly planted and which is loose, of which there are lots now. Overall I thought I did pretty well, though it took three attempts to clear the rock garden climb on Hi-Chi. The first attempt was only about 10 ft. of trail, the 2nd about halfway, and third time was a charm. The other thing the lights don't do well is let you know the much needed depth perception of exactly how far your dropping off of a rock. When descending the 1/2 rock garden and the little section of trail that goes west toward the upper pond on the south end of boner up top made me ride my bike like a trampoline. Oh, and the reason I'm sore; because I had a serious death grip on the bars. I knew I was over-gripping but for some reason I couldn't stop it.

One other side effect; I had a hard time walking after the ride. It was if my equilibrium was off and it lasted for another two hours. Here's a crappy pic of night riding.

Rich is home but in a wheelchair; and I can't believe I was happy to hear this, but Stuart had 4 BM's yesterday! Good for him; I bet it's a weird feeling shitting after nothing has came out the back door for 6 months! If all goes well Stuart will go home today or tomorrow.

The last statements have to do with what's been happening to the loved one's in the last month; here's a bullet list of events & peeps:

• Bro Rich had a road ride accident that broke his pelvis in 5 places. He had a 7 1/2 hour surgery to fix it and went home in a wheelchair; he'll be in it for a few months. He also stated that he may just sell his custom built Serotta!
• Bro Stuart has just completed his 12 surgery in 24 months; he's doing well now and is home with his fingers crossed and two more minor surgeries looming ahead.
• Youngest kid had a sinus infection.
• Oldest kid had an ear infection.
• Wife has been battling pneumonia for almost a month now.
• Wife's sister had neck surgery and took a month off work.
• Me, fat & sassy.

One last ride report; went to OKC on business yesterday and took the SS for some Draper fun. (It's only fun on a SS!) Rode green & yellow loops; started out like shit but finished well.

Lastly, are ya' country? 'Splain to me what this is; hit the comment button, get it right, and I'll give you a prize. (The official prize will be an "attaboy" reply in the comment box.)

Hint: Leaves are edible, berries are poisonous, but poor country folk used to take the berries, squish 'em and use the juice for paint for kids craft projects.

dawg tired

Man it's been a long time since I've done a ride report because...well I just ain't been riding. Life, heat, rain, blah blah blah have kept my tired weak ass off the trail; until Friday...and Sunday! I finally put the rims & tires from the Heckler on the SS and what a difference those babies made. The tubeless tires give the hardtail some much needed cush and allow more bashing thru rockgardens without fear of flats and the weight difference seemed incredible. Whatever it was the Friday ride at Keystone felt like I'd been riding occasionally all along. I felt strong and on my game thru the rocks, and man the rain has exposed a lot more of the big rocks and created a lot of loose rocks. (More on that in a minute.)

Since Friday's ride was so good I just had to go back and do it again Sunday. Stacy had linked together Keystone Friday in such a way that I just fucking loved it. Most of the beginning of the ride flowed well and I thought was just perfect. My riding partner on Sunday got his ass handed to him. Ever had one of those rides where your friends just rip your fucking legs off? I have, tons of times but have never (that I know of anyway) really kicked somebody's ass on the trail who is stronger and fitter than me; but what can I say...Sunday was my day. The poor feller had had all he wanted just one hour into the ride!

Here he is at the first creek crossing resting his tired ass.

Notice how he's just barely in the water.
He eases into it a little more.
And a little more.

Almost there.
Aah, that's the spot.

You feel sorry for the dog? I didn't until we were done. I noticed he was limping across the parking lot and upon further inspection he had ripped the pads off of his front paws. He'd never had any problems at Turkey Mtn. before so I'm guessing it was all the loose rocks that got him here. He's in full doggy rehab mode now (being a lazy bum and getting to sleep in the bed with wifey and I) but will return to the trails soon. And btw he did awesome even though he hadn't been out for awhile. He trailed right behind me perfectly after about 5 minutes; the first five minutes he bumped the rear wheel a couple of times and at one point his bell even hit the tire which is amazing since it is looped thru his collar so he was WAY too close at that point. But after a few small hits he was back in form and loving the shit out of it!

Till next time bitches.

ever hear of Avery Luthi?

You may soon.

His father is a guy I work with. Last year at the Nationals I was trying to hook Ronny and Avery up with Buddy and Jake since they're all in the same situation. The dad's are rippers and so are the kids. Anyway, Ronny calls me Friday and says Warrick Stevenson called him Friday morning and asked if Avery would accept a sponsorship from Kuwahara. Ronny's stoked, the kid only cares about getting this new bike.

How fucking cool is that? He's four fucking years old and he gets a call from one of the big boys in BMX; and he's calling to ask him to ride on his team! Look for him at the Nationals, he'll be on this rig rocking the Kuwahara team kit.

I hope to have some ride reports soon. Stacy's finally getting a 5" travel fork to fit his bike and seems to be stoked to start riding again soon. Me? I'm hitting the trainer at the house and pining away for cooler weather.

See ya later bitches!

stone cold killer

7

OK, this is way off topic but too weird to pass up not telling somebody. Ever drive along and hit a bird? Happens what maybe once every 5,6, 10 years right? Well two years ago this happened on the trip to Crested Butte. We saw the bird swoop by a little low but thought surely nothing happened, while stopping for gas in Raton, NM sure as shit we found this.

OK, for the weird thing. Back in May I was driving in Arkansas and whap a bird hits the windshield. (#1) No biggie but thankfully no broken glass. Two weeks later while driving with the family a dove darts in front of the car and whap, (#2) it's a gonner. OK, two birds...two weeks. Then the family vacation comes. While driving and going under bridges I make the comment about how close those barn swallows come to the Daddy Wagon but somehow always swerve at the last minute, you guessed it, a little while later whap. (#3) The carnage isn't over though, I hit another dove in Taos New Mexico (#4) and another swallow (#5) in Colorado. Surely it's over 'cause what are the fucking odds right? Well, on the 1st day back to work I'm taking a shortcut on a sidestreet and another dove takes off late and gets it in the ass. (#6) My fucking god this is getting un-freakin'-real. Surely it's over, how many tweeties have to take a dirt nap due to my driving. Well...say hello to #7.

He was found stuck under the Daddy Wagon the other day and still resides there today. He stays as a warning for other fowl friends until he either starts to really stink or falls off and becomes rodent fare.

Maybe a vanity plate with "Stop me, I've killed before and I'll kill again" is necessary to get the message across. Until then the trophy is kinda cool.

pimp my mu fu'n ride

Awhile back you may remember a post about totaling the VeeDub wagon. Well it went down that the wife got the cool Infiniti in the garage and I got her old ride. Not very manly, kinda practical and 100% dorkie. So I had to pimp it...All it took was a cool bike rack, one killer bike, and a sticker from Buddy and what was once a mild mannered milf mommy mobile is now known as the kickass Daddy Wagon.

Now on to some funner shit; been to Turkey lately? Like technical? Get some, it is one tough hombre in most spots due to the massive erosion we've occured lately. Add that to the fact that it's been almost 3 months since I've ridden ANYTHING and you get a sum of one whooped mofo. Didn't ride too much, just wanted to get a feel for it. Surprisingly the dudes I hooked up with wouldn't hit Lip Buster on the way out and after riding it I see why. It is by far the toughest I've ever seen it and add in the fact that it's damn hard to even see the trail in a few spots due to the vegetation sprawl and you've really got a badass mamma jamma on your hands. I rode it but by no means did I rail it. After seeing that there has been many other riders obviously riding when the trails were soaked I think I'll start riding when they're soaked too. I can't imagine more riders making the trails any rougher than they currently are. Besides that, when it's 90 degrees outside with 80% humidity those trails aren't drying anyway so I might as well enjoy riding when it's only 70 degrees and 100% humidity.

As we say here at work; fuck it-get a bucket!

todays freakin' world

I've got no idea how this ties to a cycling blog; but it sure fucking pissed me off. To tell the complete story would take way too long so I'll do a bullet list and try to shorten it up:

• Oldest daughters now 12
• She got her first hair “style” recently and the ok to wear light makeup
• Now a 14 year old boy likes her, he’s one of her friends brothers
• He comes to the house Thursday while I’m out of town to speak to her, she doesn’t want to go out and talk to him (and his friend, he’s important to the story {now known as #1}.)
  Friday they come back to the house and again she doesn’t want to go out; approximate time 6:15 p.m.
• Approximately 7:00 p.m. I take her to the skating rink. While leaving the ‘hood I saw accomplice #1 walk across the street and hop on a skateboard. As he rides away I notice he’s got the same trucks as my daughter.
• Hmmm, I think but don’t say a word to my kiddo.
• When I arrive home sure as shit her skateboards gone.
• Starsky jumps into action and goes looking for #1.
• After awhile I can’t find him so I go to #2’s house and talk to his dad since #2’s out skating.
  Tell dad story he assures me his kid wouldn’t do that. (sure)
• Back on the streets I find #1 on a bike and call #2’s dad. He now says his kid’s home and said #1 wanted to “jack” it for the trucks but that he didn’t see anything. (again...sure.)
• #1 denies everything and takes off the other way to escape me.
• He doesn’t, as stated before it’s rained forever here so his tracks into a yard and next to a fence do nothing to hide his tracks but it sure pisses me off.
• I corner #1 and tell him to take me to his house so off we go. He tries to ditch me several times, but if you’ve seen my TV show you know I know these mean streets like the back of my hand.
• When asked for his phone number and address he says “I don’t know”. The little fucker’s really pissing me off now.
• Final ultimatum issued: House or cops.
• He chooses cops.
• I ringy-ding 911 and the cop says to let him go and they’ll send someone to the house.
  Sure as shit they do. While she’s there, #2 rolls up on a broken Huffy and says #1 gave this to him last week. The cop’s eye’s go all a glitter. She snags #2 into the car and away they go.
• #2 says he doesn’t know the kids last name, his phone number, or where he lives. (sure)
• Cop gets yearbook from the kids school, does her research, drops #2 off at his house, hopefully to an ass whoopin’, and searches for #1. She finds him and he’s still denying everything to the cop and his mother.
• Cop loads #1 into the car to go to #2’s house to straighten this out; on her way #1’s mom calls and says there’s a board there she’s never seen.
• They arrive at #1’s house to find my daughters board broken in half, supposedly from a failed trick. (sure)
• Cop brings the board back and calls #1’s mom while there, she assures me she’ll be in touch by noon the next day and we’ll meet at the shop and get my kid a new board.
• Of course the bitch doesn’t call; I call her at two, leave voice message, and the dad calls back at 4 and says; “I was texted to call you, I heard my son did something but his mother and I don’t talk so can you tell me what's up?”
• FUCK YOU PEOPLE, they’re you're fucking kids...TALK OFTEN!
• I tell him the scoop, and he says he doesn’t have the $50 to take care of the board. (imagine that) “Maybe I can next week” he says. (sure)

I told you it was a long story and sadly with no ending...yet. I’ll post again if the dad comes thru, if not it’s more cop action and maybe a little shit mowing my lawn for the rest of the summer.

As the cowboys say “Fuck with a bull and you’ll get horned”. Next time I hope I can remember to use that fancy little camera that comes with my phone; this would’ve been a killer post with a pic of the little shit. Maybe I’ll get one either at the skateshop or with him mowing my lawn.

remember the last post...

About the weather? Hah! It rained HARD every stinking day. Yesterday's weather said no rain and while traveling back to Tulsa I went by Turkey...of course it was fucking raining...HARD! Here's the latest:I promise it'll rain every fucking day...HARD! I crap you negative.

Lack of riding is forcing people to get shed of good shit, here's a set of Mavic Crossmax Enduro's I got for two bills. They retail for $499 and they've only got about 5 short rides on 'em; I know that 'cause I was with the dude who owned 'em and was with him each and every time.
I didn't need a new set of wheels, but at the current pace that I go thru wheels, or was before the 5 month monsoon season set in, I'll put 'em to good use soon enough.

i'm on a hellbound trail, ahh yeah

That's the best forecast we've had in over a month, hoo damn am I excited to actually think there might be a chance to ride on something other than a mud pie trail. BTW, when it says 30-40%, that's not a chance of rain, that's how long it'll rain.

Since there hasn't been any riding to be had 'round these parts, the old farts' turned cantankerous. It's got nothing to do with riding but what the fuck, here goes.

Been to a grocery store with the self checkout lanes yet? They're awesome when you just have a few things to get. They are not awesome when some 300# octegenarian parks her ass in front of it without a clue of how to operate it. They should have a sign that reads: "If you can't text message or send an email; don't even think about it." Anyway after getting miffed at the old/fat broad wasting my time @ Li'l Wal-Mart the other day I stopped in an Albertson's on the way home to pick up a few items. Now Albertson's has the right idea; they have a manned bank of the self check-out lanes, big help for the old fucks who don't know what to do. That's not my problem here, my problem was the staff. See this old lady was checking herself out and some young dude with a dust mop comes to clean up some spilled dry spaghetti. I understand that this could be a slip and fall issue but this dipwad was trying to mop up the bits under the old broads feet and repeatedly kept bumping her sneakers sending dust all over them. After he does this a few times I step up and tell him it'd be a LOT FUCKING EASIER if he'd wait until she's done OR ask her to move. He stares at me dumbfoundedly like I'm El Diablo; the old lady says yes just give me a minute and then says thanks to me. Well, I wasn't done and I was pissed so out comes "Oh you're to fucking blame too; why would you come to this line when you don't have a fucking clue how to operate the goddamn thing."

must ride bikes

born with a tail

late update

We've pretty much fell off the map around here lately. Just a quick update, if anyone hasn't made their way down Lo Chi since we hit it with the saws then check it out. We have yet to fix the major log jam but everything else has been cleared. Thanks to the kind offers of lumber we're going to get that done soon. I think we're actually going to get that giant trunk down on the ground and THEN build the ladder bridge over it. It will take a lot of extra work to lower it but that is what it will take to ensure that it's rideable by everyone. Further down the trail we cleared almost everything out but left a few of the smaller logs for a challenge at Kevin's suggestion. (I'm a big puss and would probably have cleared the entire thing) Apparently the challenge that it's created has gotten some "atta boys" over on MTBR so I'm glad that I listened to him. Yeah, we should have taken some before-n-after pics of everything but that would make this post entirely too interesting. My little boy Jake and his baseball team have been rocking lately and that has taken up every bit of our spare time. The season should be over this week and we'll get him back to the BMX track. Cash has been a bit tight lately so rather than spring for the new cruiser I guess I'm gonna nut up and try the 20" for a while. Maybe, just maybe, I won't be the absolute slowest thing out there. And if I am, oh well. I'll be riding with Jake and that is all that matters. Hope everyone got out to watch at least one event at Tulsa Tough. Sonofabitch those folks are amazing. Sure their fitness is unbelievable but anyone willing to chance crashing at those speeds in their underwear gets a high-five from me.

Go ride,
Buddy

trailwork talk

Wow. We got responses. From 2 folks no less. That's 2 more than I thought read this shit. Seriously though, thanks a lot guys for the input! Really stoked on the free wood offer. (Sweet Jesus that sounded gay) .... My personal opinion on any sort of construction on public property is that it should be as rideable as the rest of the trail it's on. In this case on Lo Chi, I should be able to cruise over it on my singlespeed without feeling the need to unclip to save my ass. I want it to flow like the rest of the trail and not be an obstacle. If someone wants to do something with the rest of that giant fallen tree (ie: log ride, skinnies, etc...) I couldn't be more indifferent. I enjoy the overall flow and sustainablity of a well built trail. Riding a balance beam just isn't my cup o' tea. But I digress... the kungFUbiking trail maitenance team will be heading down to Lo Chi sometime this weekend to clear the obvious stuff. We will evaluate the bigger obstacles and try to determine whether a bridge or a rerouting of the trail is required. Again, big thanks for the input and offers. Stay in touch and we will get something going.

Drink up,
Buddy

response requested

Last week when I rode Turkey there were 2 very large trees down across Lo Chi. I really dig that short little trail and I'd like to get out there and fix that. Maybe this weekend. If anyone knows whether or not this has already been done and to what extent I'd appreciate the comments.

Why do I ask? Why not just swing by on my way home from work, stroll down the trails, and see for myself? Walk into those woods, dressed for the office, no bike...? Riiiight. I'm not against the homos but I'd rather not appear to be trying out for the team.

If anyone has info on the current trail condition, do your civic duty and pass it on. I'll do my duty and fix 'em.

Let me know,
Buddy