i have a weapon in my pants

Before I explain that ignorant title, I'm damn sure glad to hear that my bro Kevin is alright after the fender bender. Can't wait to hear his tales of beating the rental car like a stubborn mule. And now, more mindless blabbering bullshit...

A few nights ago we got a call at our house from the Dove Foundation. Ever heard of these uptight jackasses? http://www.dove.org/ The first thing the frigid cunt on the other end of the phone asks me is “Can I speak to the lady of the house?” Had I been thinking I would have, in the deepest voice possible, replied with a simple “Speaking.” But I wasn’t on my A-game, told her that the lady of the house was busy, and asked if I could help. Again she says “Is the lady of the house available.” Again I tell her “Nope” and ask if she wants to relay a message. Well I guess Queen Dead-in-bed decided that I’d do and proceeded to read some prepared questions to me. She basically wanted to know if I agreed that Hollywood made too many R rated movies and not enough G rated ones. I told her “No” and that I didn’t really care. She then read another prepared question that basically asked the same thing. Again I told her “no” and again she tried to get me to agree with her. Normally this is the point when I get all creepy and start asking the phone solicitor specific questions about what kind of panties she has on. (this works great by the way) But like I said, I wasn’t on my A-game and by this time she’d pissed me of anyway. I told her that our kid does more than sit around and watch movies, he’s seen his fair share of cutesy ones lately, and that the wife and I dig movies for us too. Obviously this solicitation for poll results that they can manipulate was coming up empty handed and the phone call ended quickly thereafter. This poor lady needs to get fucked. And I don’t mean “get fucked” in the sense that I wish bad things for her. I mean she really needs to get fucked. And well.

Organizations like this confuse the hell outa me. Take the movie rating system for instance. Why is sex considered more evil and wrong than killing someone? You can go to any theatre (or hell you can just watch tv) and see folks get mutilated 100 different ways on any day. Just make sure that the murder victims aren’t too naked or sexed up because that’d require a higher rating. Penetration by some dude’s hawg is vulgar but penetration by a knife? Totally cool. ... WTF?

So why the fuck am I again posting on this here bike blog about something that has absolutely nothing to bikes? Well, the real reason is because this was meant to be a post about the freshly redesigned backyard bmx track but the sun went down before I got pics last night. But a more noble answer? Because maybe I hope that by some strange chance just one of the folks from the Dove Foundation, through my shitty writing, will see the light, take all of that energy, and put it into something more worthwhile. Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are put out how about trying something a little more helpful? There are millions of kids out there who are hungry, sick, neglected, abused, etc… Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are offered to little Johnny Suburbia why not concentrate on things like that?

And by the even greater chance this is being read by the specific ice queen who rang my digits the other night… Good luck with that orgasm and all of its “evil” sweetness.

Go ride,

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