who's qualifyin' now bitches?

You've all seen them. Those assholes who have the "I'm not speeding I'm qualifying" stickers. It's usually right next to the Dubya sticker. Well, today we got a good old fashioned Oklahoma ice storm. We don't get good snow very often. Just this shitty ice we have today. Starts out as rain, turns to sleet, and whatever is on the ground glazes over. It's bumpy so it sucks for sledding, you can't make snow forts out of it, and the rednecks around here with giant SUV's damn sure can't drive on it. I'm not a speeder and I usually get blown off the road. Well, not today my friends. Today, when it actually takes some skill to go fast, I was the one qualifying and qualify I did. No semis and no LCQ's, I went straight to the main outa heat numero uno. Normally the most entertaining part of my 42 mile commute is NPR but today it was 4 wheel drifts and e-brake turns. Hey BillyRoy, maybe you need a bigger truck, eh?

Keep it pinned,


maybe it's just the weather...

...….but damn I wanna build an indoor BMX track so bad I can hardly stand it. Nothing huge. Not only would it be cool for our own use but for other folks as well during crappy weather like we're having now. I couldn't open it to the general public but would be more than willing to have an open invite to the folks at our local track. Just a simple poll barn with enough room for 3 short straights. They don’t have to be wide either. A cozy little 2-man style set-up will do. Something like the pic below.

Yes. I know. I have the ramp project in the shop to do before this but I'm just thinking out loud. If anyone has any info on the cost per square foot of a simple tin pole barn feel free to leave it in the comments section. I'm sure it's easy enough to find but I'm lazy today. If you dig the pic above there are plenty more like it on www.bmxnews.com in the photos section under "DC Trails Race."

Speaking of BMX, as that's all this post is doing, my boy Jake raced in the ABA Grands here in Tulsa for his second time last week. He was in the 6 Intermediate class. While he didn't make it out of his qualifiers he did ride as hard as he could, had a good time, and pulled off the track with a big ol' smile every time. That is what I call success right there. His mom and I are annoyingly proud as usual.

Stay warm,


me convertible?....nah

Saturday morning I went for a ride with a local church group; yes I, he of little faith rode with a church group. I got to the trails at 8 a.m. which is a few hours before they arrived to stretch the legs and enjoy the brisk 34° weather. Upon arrival and before heading out a blessing was said for safety and for the bikes! So I proceeded to ride for the next hour with a blessed bike! It was a group of the "haves" and the "have-nots", there were some experienced riders and some newbie's, some cool bikes and some old rigids; no-one seemed to care. Anyway the riding was pretty good.

The wife has a fear though, and that is that they are out to get me, to get me to convert to one of them; a regular churchgoer, a Wednesday night-Sunday morning parishioner, a 10% donator. She thinks Chris, the rider I met who was on a Santa Cruz Blur, is a spy. She thinks they sent a guy out that is like me, who rides the same brand bike to buddy up with me and get me to church. Well....I've got news; maybe I'll be working on Chris trying to show him the light and bring him over to the darkside. Show him how great Sunday morning rides are, how fantastic Turkey Mtn. is on a Sunday morning when everyone else is at church and get him interested in the more important things in life. Bikes, booze, and boobs!

One last thing; I had to spend 7.5 hours wearing a orange vest and carrying a walkie-talkie around my daughters soccer tournament being a Marshall. Needless to say I was disappointed to not get a badge and pistol. Anyway, it was cold, wicked cold, tiring, boring, and lonely all at the same time. But, during the last game everyone was murmuring about how Garth Brooks was on the other field and didn't want to be "disturbed" watching his daughters' game. Well, me being me just strolled over during halftime of my daughters 2nd game and started chatting to some other guy (evidently Marshall's are respected) about the weather and other crap and Garth just strolls up and starts chatting with me. We talked for about 5 minutes or so then I go on to talk to the coach and make sure everything's OK in his world and do my duties and then begin to stroll back to my post at my daughters' game and once again he chats me up. I'd always thought he'd be a big ol' dick since he came off as such an ass kisser in interviews but come to find out he's just a regular old guy who probably really wants to be left the fuck alone like the rest of us. I should have given him a card for this blog and got him on a mtn. bike instead of a horse. His house is on a couple of hundred acres that'd make a kick ass freeride park.

Party on Garth.


food, shelter, & bikes

This is a good read. http://www.circleacycles.com/web/anarchism.asp They make some damn fine bikes too.



not my week for credit cards

2 posts in a row concerning credit cards...this should tell me something.

Last month I missed the payment for our credit card. Totally missed it. Just forgot it, misplaced it, …something. Imagine that. A lady called me on Friday to inquire about it. It just so happens I sent the payment of $160 Friday morning before she called and I told her that. She acted like we were cool like Fonzi.

Fast forward to yesterday. A lady from the same compnay calls to tell me that they were reporting me to the credit bureau for my payment being 30 days late. I told her that I had already been contacted and had sent the payment on Friday. She said that may be so but if they didn't receive a payment of $70 in their office by the end of the day then it would be reported. (all with that bullshit "concerned for me" tone) I explained that I had been with their company for years, had no recollection of being late any other time, had sent them a payment of $160, but if they felt that they needed to report me then, by all means, report away. She then told me that I could stop payment on the check I sent and they could do an electronic check over the phone by simply blah blah blah…. I interrupted and told her that was really more trouble than I felt like going to for a check they were more than likely to receive in the next 24 hours. It then went like this:

Bitch: Sir, aren't you concerned about your credit?
Me: Nope.
Bitch: I'm really sorry to hear that.
Me: But not sorry enough to NOT report me to the credit bureau?
Bitch: Sir, we have guidelines.
Me: Then I guess you better get to reportin'.
Bitch: Ok. Well sir, I'm really sorry that you're not concerned about your credit. Me: Mmhmm. (click)

What a cunt. A simple "okie dokie" from her would have sufficed. Spare the concerned routine for someone else. As always I thought of all the fun stuff that I should have said for my final comment about a minute too late:

· …and I’m sorry that you sound like you’re a frigid tart.
· You should be stoked. If folks like me weren’t late with their payments, no talent assclowns like you wouldn’t have a job calling us.
· Does this disaster to my credit mean that I’ll quit getting all those credit card offers from other companies?

Oh well.

In the red,


confetti anyone?

If any of the people reading this are by chance one of the same jackasses who applies to random credit card offers sent via US Mail....FUCKING STOP. It's assholes like you that makes those same companies fill my mailbox with their shit. Shit that I have to take the time to shred because some other mouth breather, barely lower than you on the "worth-a-shit" scale, could possibly screw my lackluster credit up with the info inside. Since the offer to loan me money was sent unsolicited I think I should be able to apply, receive said account, max the fucker out, and then never pay it. When approached by the same company about my unpaid balance I should simply be able to say "That's what you get for not being pickier with your bidness partners." I've now begun sending everything right back to them in their postage paid envelopes with the simple note "I'M TIRED OF SHREDDING THIS SHIT." Who knows if that works but it's more fun than trashing it. You'd think in this day and age of conservation and preservation there would be a bigger push against junk mail and the paper resources it devours. Or if that angle doesn't work.... You'd think in this day and age of crazy fuckers walking into businesses with firearms there would be a bigger push against companies not pissing random folks off.

Send it all back,


totally off topic

After 2.5 days in Vegas the following is true:
  • I won't shit right for a week. (No not like that.) But after multiple comp'd buffets and one night @ Ruth's Chris crapping now feels like a train's being pulled out of my ass instead of my usual nuggets.
  • If you get ahead of 'em early; gambling is a lot more fun.
  • 11 people in a limo is uncomfortable.
  • Most old timers that live in Vegas are bitter and should either a.) die or b.) get another fucking job. Your there for me, so kiss my ass and I'll tip you. Whine about how the old days were much better and I'll stiff you. PERIOD!
  • They should change the name to the "Bloody booger capitol of the world", fuck that's some dry air.
  • If you get ahead and play it right you can earn enough to cover half of the new FSRxc Pro you'd put on layaway for the wife before you left town. Spec's are here


back to bicycles

I had a blast at Gold Rush but now it's back to simplicity for another 50 weeks or so until the next one. Probably won't fire up a motor over 100cc's until then. Damn it was fun though. It's not often that one gets to show up with nothing more than a gear bag and race. I was unable to compete in Sunday's Pro event due to me being a huge pussy. It had been 2 years since I really rode anything like that and it showed at the end of Saturday's team events. Nonetheless I was pretty stoked with my pace. We got damn lucky on our random # pick though, eh? That's always cool.

This weekend we're brewing beer at the 305 Club and, depending on the weather, I'm hoping to get a ride in at Turkey on the Slayer. In less than 2 weeks Jake gets to race his 2nd ABA Grands and we're all looking forward to that.

Go ride,



No no no no no! Not worked but


I decided to take the old Giant ATX 760 rigid for a little ride today. You know how it is; I'll ride the smooth stuff, nothing too harsh, especially since it's only got a 1" steer tube.


Two hours later I'd ridden the snake run 3 times, the cool ass swoopy shit up top a handful of times, and then down the ridge trail thru the rock garden and over to boner/millennium!


Major props to the originators of this sport for riding rigid.


BTW, my dream of a step-up on snake run is now realized. It needs work, but it's a work in progress!

Maybe a pic of the Giant and the step-up some day, for now I'm off to Vegas!

nothing a few $$$ won't fix

Remember this post?
It's about my brother getting his first bike since childhood.

He'd been keeping me informed of how it was going; he was only riding it on the road to get a feel for what riding a bike is like. He soon realized that with his prior back problems that a dual suspension was what he really needed. Thankfully the guys (Jake) at T-Town were down with giving him full trade in price since there were no scratches and it hadn't been off-road. So anyway I arranged a trade date and we arrived with me fully intending for him to add about another G or so and get a FSR-XC. It being a good beginner bike and not that much more expensive. WELL...T-Town was busy when we arrived so I got down the only XL FSR-XC they had in stock. This wasn't the exact model he would get but he could ride it to get a feel for the sizing. While waiting on Jake my bro spies a 2006 Enduro Expert. Yes that bike, the one with the Fox 36 Talas, the one with the DHX 5.0, the one with the Juicy 7 brakes, yes the one with the SRAM x-9 derailleurs & shifters, and yes the one that retails for 3500 smackers. OK, he originally bought a $500 rig and now he's looking at something a "little" bit more. (At least it's little for him.) But one problem, it's only a large and bro's like 6'6" with the ungodly leg length of 38". So we put the two frames side x side and realize that the top tube difference is only about an inch or so. Bro being non-bike savvy points to the stem and gives it a "dang, if only that thingy was longer". Sooo...on goes a 110mm stem, out the door goes the bike for a parking lot test, off one curb, 3 pedal strokes, and one bro looking over his shoulder saying "Yep, this is the one!" gleefully.

The guys at T-Town do it up right and let him have the bike for a total of $2500, so instead of adding 1G he adds 2G's without a sweat. No one asked me but I think that's a banging deal.

I call bro about 3 hours later and ask him if he's ridden it yet or if he's still got it up on a milk crate staring at it. He said he is indeed out in the garage staring at it and will save it for his inaugral ride with me. I tell him to get it out of the garage and ride the bitch around his property; we'll get to the trails in due time. Best part; he called less than 24 hours later and he'd been out on it four times and asking what skills he needed to learn. I tell him the first simple thing is to learn how to raise the front wheel about 6" while seated and while standing so he can get over obstacles without fear. He calls about an hour later and excitedly tells me he's got it and he's had his first crash while riding over rocks on his property.

I hope he sticks with it and loves it like we do. There ain't nothing better than a few bro's riding dirt and passing gas like a pit crew at a Nascar track.

And lastly, remember Buddy's post about McMurtry: http://kungfubiking.blogspot.com/2006/10/mcmurtry-doesnt-rock-it-rolls.html How about a little video action? Right click and download this baby! http://www.pedalmasher.net/mark/stillwater.wmv It's got a little section where I biffed right after telling Buddy I couldn't reply to a question 'cause I needed to "focus". Great timing since I ate shit less than 5 seconds later. (It's the section where the guy spun out & unclipped at 4:50.) At least I had an excuse; my chain popped off due to the mega torque my fat ass was applying. Weirdest thing though, I never let go of the bars or uncllipped during my endo; I just rode the Fetish SS to the ground. BTW, hanging on for dear life doesn't cushion the landing.

Peace out bitches; I'm off to Vegas!


hot damn i is alive

I did it. I flew. Well, actually I just sat there. The pilot did all the flying. The cool part is that I think I may be on my way to ridding myself of one ridiculous phobia. Now maybe I'm just thinking it isn't that scary because there is no immediate reason for me to fly anywhere soon...but I do feel MUCH more relaxed about it. Vodka is a great thing too. You can pour it into a regular water bottle and drink away right up to the point where they make your trash it at security. One odd thing, on the flight back we weren't even backed away from the terminal when the flight attendant came up and asked me to turn my ipod off. ??? This is not comforting. The thought that my ipod can somehow bring the plane down doesn't necessarily instill confidence. (maybe someone should alert bush's dumb ass that we only need to find a way to place ipods on our enemy's aircraft) Not to mention that take-off is one of the parts of flying where I could REALLY use me some Lemmy. Nonetheless, there is one of life's little battles won. Overcoming a fear that has kept me from doing cool stuff is a great thing. I'm far from total relaxation with it...but maybe I won't have to be as liquored up next time.

Tonight we party like rockstars. Kindergarten rockstars (it's Jake's 6th birthday party), but rockstars all the same. This weekend we race (previous post). After that it's back to normal days and hopefully more time on the bike. I'll be continuing the cleaning of the shop for the ramp and maybe begin the layout of a 4X style track on our other property. The 4X idea is something that Steve (the operator of our local BMX track) and I have been kicking around. We'll see how it goes.

Live it up,


fly, party, race

This weekend is the annual Gold Rush GP here in Okieland. It's a motorcycle and ATV off-road race that is held at Hallet Raceway. You can find specific info here if you care: http://www.okgoldrush.com/ It's sort of in the spirit of the old Elsinore GP that everyone has seen on On Any Sunday. (if you haven't seen that...DORK) The racecourse changes every year. Each lap usually conists of sections of the road course with trails laid out in the surrounding wooods and one lap usually adds up to somewhere between 7 & 9 miles. Sometimes the stints on the asphalt only last for a corner or two but I personally like it best when we stay on it for a long time. Hopefully that will be the layout again. It's a 2 day event. Day 1 (saturday) is considererd the fun day. That's when the have the 'buddy races'. 2 riders per team for a 3 hour race. You're free to alternate any way you want. This year I'm teamed with my friend Keith on his YZ450 in the bike event. I really appreciate him asking me and offering up his bike for the abuse. We're gonna have fun. Then my friend Lonnie called me and offered me a spot as his teamate in the ATV event. (Just a bit of background, Lonnie runs Sandtrax, builds motors that are faster than a striped-ass-ape, and has helped me out a ton over the years so I'm stoked to be able to ride with him on something he's put together. The quad should be a rocket.) So that's two 3 hour events, albeit split between 2 folks, on Saturday. Then Sunday is the "serious" day. Lonnie has been nice enough to offer me the same 450 ATV for the 2 hour Pro Quad race on Sunday afternoon. This is NOT a team deal. This is bragging rights and cash on the line. If you want to know where you fit in...this is the race to find out. In past years I've went into the pro race on Sunday intending to be one of those up front and possibly one of the guys who might win it. I've missed it the last few due to scheduling conflicts. (the pic is of me from a the race a few years back....and "no" Roll-Offs do not work nearly as well when they string behind you like that)

This year? I haven't ridden anything bigger than my XR100 (other than last weekend) since....? So I'm just going into this sort of like the recent mountainbike race. I'll be givin' it all I got for as long as I can and just see where it all shakes out. ...and I'll be havin' a damn good time regardless. My only promise is that I'll be able to hold my head just a touch higher afterwards since I'm usually a bit better at these things.

Oh and for anyone who thought this is mainly a bicycle blog... It is. And after this "once a year" race I do it will mainly be back to that. ...and music, and skating, and bitching, and whatever else Kevin or I feel like rambling about. Tomorrow I will be drinking little overpriced vodkas on a plane to Houston. Then on Friday (this is where Mr. Optimism says my plane won't crash) I'll be taking a vacation day to get my shit in order for Gold Rush and help prepare for my little boy's birthday party Friday night. Lots to live for there so this pilot better have his fucking A game on.

That is all,