stone cold killer

OK, this is way off topic but too weird to pass up not telling somebody. Ever drive along and hit a bird? Happens what maybe once every 5,6, 10 years right? Well two years ago this happened on the trip to Crested Butte. We saw the bird swoop by a little low but thought surely nothing happened, while stopping for gas in Raton, NM sure as shit we found this.

OK, for the weird thing. Back in May I was driving in Arkansas and whap a bird hits the windshield. (#1) No biggie but thankfully no broken glass. Two weeks later while driving with the family a dove darts in front of the car and whap, (#2) it's a gonner. OK, two birds...two weeks. Then the family vacation comes. While driving and going under bridges I make the comment about how close those barn swallows come to the Daddy Wagon but somehow always swerve at the last minute, you guessed it, a little while later whap. (#3) The carnage isn't over though, I hit another dove in Taos New Mexico (#4) and another swallow (#5) in Colorado. Surely it's over 'cause what are the fucking odds right? Well, on the 1st day back to work I'm taking a shortcut on a sidestreet and another dove takes off late and gets it in the ass. (#6) My fucking god this is getting un-freakin'-real. Surely it's over, how many tweeties have to take a dirt nap due to my driving. Well...say hello to #7.
He was found stuck under the Daddy Wagon the other day and still resides there today. He stays as a warning for other fowl friends until he either starts to really stink or falls off and becomes rodent fare.
Maybe a vanity plate with "Stop me, I've killed before and I'll kill again" is necessary to get the message across. Until then the trophy is kinda cool.


pimp my mu fu'n ride

Awhile back you may remember a post about totaling the VeeDub wagon. Well it went down that the wife got the cool Infiniti in the garage and I got her old ride. Not very manly, kinda practical and 100% dorkie. So I had to pimp it...All it took was a cool bike rack, one killer bike, and a sticker from Buddy and what was once a mild mannered milf mommy mobile is now known as the kickass Daddy Wagon.

Now on to some funner shit; been to Turkey lately? Like technical? Get some, it is one tough hombre in most spots due to the massive erosion we've occured lately. Add that to the fact that it's been almost 3 months since I've ridden ANYTHING and you get a sum of one whooped mofo. Didn't ride too much, just wanted to get a feel for it. Surprisingly the dudes I hooked up with wouldn't hit Lip Buster on the way out and after riding it I see why. It is by far the toughest I've ever seen it and add in the fact that it's damn hard to even see the trail in a few spots due to the vegetation sprawl and you've really got a badass mamma jamma on your hands. I rode it but by no means did I rail it. After seeing that there has been many other riders obviously riding when the trails were soaked I think I'll start riding when they're soaked too. I can't imagine more riders making the trails any rougher than they currently are. Besides that, when it's 90 degrees outside with 80% humidity those trails aren't drying anyway so I might as well enjoy riding when it's only 70 degrees and 100% humidity.

As we say here at work; fuck it-get a bucket!


todays freakin' world

I've got no idea how this ties to a cycling blog; but it sure fucking pissed me off. To tell the complete story would take way too long so I'll do a bullet list and try to shorten it up:

  • Oldest daughters now 12
  • She got her first hair “style” recently and the ok to wear light makeup
  • Now a 14 year old boy likes her, he’s one of her friends brothers
  • He comes to the house Thursday while I’m out of town to speak to her, she doesn’t want to go out and talk to him (and his friend, he’s important to the story {now known as #1}.)
    Friday they come back to the house and again she doesn’t want to go out; approximate time 6:15 p.m.
  • Approximately 7:00 p.m. I take her to the skating rink. While leaving the ‘hood I saw accomplice #1 walk across the street and hop on a skateboard. As he rides away I notice he’s got the same trucks as my daughter.
  • Hmmm, I think but don’t say a word to my kiddo.
  • When I arrive home sure as shit her skateboards gone.
  • Starsky jumps into action and goes looking for #1.
  • After awhile I can’t find him so I go to #2’s house and talk to his dad since #2’s out skating.
    Tell dad story he assures me his kid wouldn’t do that. (sure)
  • Back on the streets I find #1 on a bike and call #2’s dad. He now says his kid’s home and said #1 wanted to “jack” it for the trucks but that he didn’t see anything. (again...sure.)
  • #1 denies everything and takes off the other way to escape me.
  • He doesn’t, as stated before it’s rained forever here so his tracks into a yard and next to a fence do nothing to hide his tracks but it sure pisses me off.
  • I corner #1 and tell him to take me to his house so off we go. He tries to ditch me several times, but if you’ve seen my TV show you know I know these mean streets like the back of my hand.
  • When asked for his phone number and address he says “I don’t know”. The little fucker’s really pissing me off now.
  • Final ultimatum issued: House or cops.
  • He chooses cops.
  • I ringy-ding 911 and the cop says to let him go and they’ll send someone to the house.
    Sure as shit they do. While she’s there, #2 rolls up on a broken Huffy and says #1 gave this to him last week. The cop’s eye’s go all a glitter. She snags #2 into the car and away they go.
  • #2 says he doesn’t know the kids last name, his phone number, or where he lives. (sure)
  • Cop gets yearbook from the kids school, does her research, drops #2 off at his house, hopefully to an ass whoopin’, and searches for #1. She finds him and he’s still denying everything to the cop and his mother.
  • Cop loads #1 into the car to go to #2’s house to straighten this out; on her way #1’s mom calls and says there’s a board there she’s never seen.
  • They arrive at #1’s house to find my daughters board broken in half, supposedly from a failed trick. (sure)
  • Cop brings the board back and calls #1’s mom while there, she assures me she’ll be in touch by noon the next day and we’ll meet at the shop and get my kid a new board.
  • Of course the bitch doesn’t call; I call her at two, leave voice message, and the dad calls back at 4 and says; “I was texted to call you, I heard my son did something but his mother and I don’t talk so can you tell me what's up?”
  • FUCK YOU PEOPLE, they’re you're fucking kids...TALK OFTEN!
  • I tell him the scoop, and he says he doesn’t have the $50 to take care of the board. (imagine that) “Maybe I can next week” he says. (sure)

I told you it was a long story and sadly with no ending...yet. I’ll post again if the dad comes thru, if not it’s more cop action and maybe a little shit mowing my lawn for the rest of the summer.

As the cowboys say “Fuck with a bull and you’ll get horned”. Next time I hope I can remember to use that fancy little camera that comes with my phone; this would’ve been a killer post with a pic of the little shit. Maybe I’ll get one either at the skateshop or with him mowing my lawn.


remember the last post...

About the weather? Hah! It rained HARD every stinking day. Yesterday's weather said no rain and while traveling back to Tulsa I went by Turkey...of course it was fucking raining...HARD! Here's the latest:I promise it'll rain every fucking day...HARD! I crap you negative.

Lack of riding is forcing people to get shed of good shit, here's a set of Mavic Crossmax Enduro's I got for two bills. They retail for $499 and they've only got about 5 short rides on 'em; I know that 'cause I was with the dude who owned 'em and was with him each and every time.
I didn't need a new set of wheels, but at the current pace that I go thru wheels, or was before the 5 month monsoon season set in, I'll put 'em to good use soon enough.