man i'm slow

Rode today for the 6th day in a row. I've heard that you should take a break after three or four days of riding but I gotta get it in while I can. Unfortunately for Buddy he was along for the slooow ride, not a rocking Foghat Slow Ride, but a sloooow wore out guy ride. I still had tons of fun riding a little, rapping a little, and learning alot from Boudreaux; the only knowledgeable person I know when it comes to all things AMA. Sorry I slowed you down so much. Mental note to self; follow him to see his lines 'cause he sees things in a cooler funner way than I do.

Now is the time to thank the wife for allowing me to get out of the hacienda so much this week. I know me being under her feet and in her way isn't her idea of a vacation so kicking me out works for both of us. Anyway, thanks for the three to six hours of leave given daily.


picture worth a thousand words?

How about just three:
Cool, awesome, and thanks.

Calvin-Proud papa


ralphie rocks

Did a short ride with Ralphie today and he did awesome. We rode the mystery trail to ridge trail and then back to the lot. We encountered other riders, hikers, walkers, runners and dogs and he never strayed away from my wheel. He must be smarter than he looks; when riding on wide trails he'll stay on your left side and once you get to singletrack he'll stay right behind you; cool eh? He did have one mishap; when we got to the lot there was another rider preparing to ride who'd left his truck door open and of course Ralphie Boy jumped in ready to go! The dude was cool about it which was surprising because he had his work clothes in the back seat and Ralphie trashed 'em. (Thanks for being cool about it dude.) He did have the shock collar on but I never had to use it.

Tomorrow's ride is with Emma, should be a hoot and hopefully the start of something special for her!

Calvin-Kevin's alter ego and not nearly as cool as Bruce Wayne.


can you say frusternating?

Man Greenleaf is great riding, but it's also tough and rugged. The first climb had six trees down all getting larger as you go up. This sign needs to say: "Caution, can only be descended with a Poulan chainsaw in hand.":
And if the downed trees weren't enough, you had to deal with this: Those leaves are slicker than snot on descents, and slicker than shit on rocky climbs. And this pic is not an anomoly, they're this deep freakin' everywhere.

Worst part of the ride though was when taking the ridge trail after about 2 hours it just disappeared; no trail and no blue blazes to follow. I spent a good 45 minutes trying to find the trail and once I found a trail it led me in the wrong direction. I started following the trail and arrived at the bottom of Mary's Cove. Last year I thought I had arrived at the top of Mary's. I went ahead and climbed to the top and had a feeling that all was not right so I turned and descended thru the Cove, and after about a mile I came across a hiker that assured me that I was now going the right way. That was the frusternating part. (Frusternating: an adjective that was coined by Emma when she was about 6 that is now a regular part of my families vocabulary. For other cool words see "Resternaut") Where I went wrong or were the trail went wrong I don't have a clue, but it was damn sure frusternating!

Still though, good times good times. Am I ready to go back? Not until we get a massive rain to wash some of those damned leaves away. All riding is good and is helping me in my goal of shedding this image:

Tomorrow's another Ralphie ride and hopefully I won't mangle Jake's wheel.

Calvin-Frusternated Rider


typical ups and downs

Finally got on the trails yesterday and they were perfect; fast and somehow tacky all at the same time. Let me rephrase that, they looked like they'd be fast. You see my legs had thought we'd given up cycling to tackle the professional eating tour so we had to have a few discussions along the way. Anyway, only rode the Mystery trail northbound and then Hi-Chi southbound. I did not succumb to Hi-Chi but the Mystery trail not only took my pride it also took the cool new bar end plugs that came along with the new ODI Rogue grips that are on the new Bontrager bars I bought to replace the Yeti grips that are going along with the old handlebar onto the new bike I'm fixin' up. (Whew, that felt good.) Yep, new bike on the way; when? Dunno. Worst part of the ride though; two guys said last week: "Yea man let's ride Monday, I'll call you if something comes up and I can't make it." Did they call? Did they show? I now see why Mr. Jones and Ms. Wynette stuggled in their relationship.

Today I decided I'd ride with someone new, someone thrilled to be out on the trails, someone ecstatic to be at Turkey, someone who'll always want to go, he's new to mountain biking but really excited and by the looks of him I'm sure he can stay out there much longer than I'd ever dream of; his name? Say hello to Ralph. (Ralphie boy for old SNL fans.)

Think he'll ever back out of a ride?

He's not too fast for me and he's not too slow for me; he's just right. He didn't exactly take to trail running like a duck to water but with the help of Ben Franklin and Marconi he figured it our fairly quickly. Marconi & Franklin? (See shock collar.) Ralphie only got about 20 minutes of riding and another 45 of walking at Turkey due to my fucking cassette freehub body breaking on a little climb. (According to this post: http://kungfubiking.blogspot.com/2005_10_23_kungfubiking_archive.html a freehub body now lasts me two months and one day.) Evidently the Shimano XT hubs are shit; so now I'm in the market for some hubs that are the shit. I know CK's the brand but man I'm not sure a Hollywood Ho would cost anymore than they do. I'll have to contact Hugh Grant to find out.

Thanks to a loaner rear wheel from Jake at T-Town tomorrow's ride will be a solo effort at Greenleaf. Hope I survive.

Calvin-Freehub mauler


another vacation

I hope to post several ride reports and pic's in the upcoming week due to vacation from Xmas Eve Eve thru New Years Post Post.

I found this, I hope this is what Buddy has in mind for his ole lady's bitchin' Element:

Man; Lib's and Jake would look cool showin' up at the BMX track with the Redline strapped on the back in this sick little baby. Maybe this is what he's getting her for Xmas.

Scab reports coming soon!!!

And no I don't really like the Element, it looks...uh...dorkie? Yeah, that's it, maybe even mega-dorkie!

Calvin-Soon to be hobbled


cookies and milk my ass

Ok. It’s the holiday season and the promised updates have taken a backseat as I’ve been too busy playing Santa. After all of the shopping this Santa needs a filthy ho ho ho.

The only thing more fun than fat girls is fat tires so maybe St. Nick will bring me one of these. I stole this pic from riderx over at http://www.singlespeedoutlaw.com/ If you’re not familiar with that site then maybe you should quit reading this pathetic drivel and go see what a real website looks like. He has a great write-up and linkage concerning this year’s Punk Bike Enduro. Too bad we’re so far away because that sounds like good times. As cool as a Pugsley would be I’m pretty sure that the Element in the pic will be added to our garage first as my hottie wife deserves a new set of wheels more than I. With 3 moutain bikes already in the quiver, if I buy another anytime soon a bicycles seat will be the only thing abusing my undercarriage. Speaking of abuse, if anyone desires a barely used Cannondale cyclocross bike I know a lazy bastard who has one fo sale. (with disc brakes and shit no less) If you’ve ever done ‘cross and really dig it my hat is off to you. Last year I read all kinds of huh-bub about it and it sounded like fun. Muddy conditions, beer tents, screaming friends…who wouldn’t dig that? Well, my first and only cx event consisted of warm dry weather, no beer, and me getting beat like a blind carpenter’s thumb. I did have one guy hollering for me. It was a pity holler but I appreciated it. Thanks Ray. I still planned to keep the ‘cross bike for road riding but, after seeing how many folks get turned into speed bumps these days, I’ve had enough of that to. If I ever want to do cyclocross again my singlespeed is more than capable of that. And if I ever want to put in long boring ass miles on the road… I won’t. Well, there’s another submission for the Shitty Blog Post of the Year competition. Hopefully we’ll get another one o’ them fandangled dee-gee-tul cam-ruhs soon and these will get better. I hope that everyone (ie: all two of you that read this) have a Merry Christmas. And to anyone out there listening, the Santa at our house digs vodka and thigh high stockings.

Go ride yo bike.


slightly tweaked frame & fork fo sale fo sure

This post goes along with the previous post on 10/12 titled Wussy Deluxe:


For sale: used Scott USA High Octane frame:

For sale: used Manitou Sherman fork:

A whopping $3500 value for the bargain basement price of $1200! Tree bark included at no upcharge! Those interested call Jason Jump (aka Rusty) at Sun & Ski sports in Tulsa, OK.

I saw Rusty yesterday at S&S; it was one of his first days back to work. I of course asked him how he was doing and he said he felt pretty good. His leg of course was hurting him, especially since he was supposed to be walking with a cane and wasn't. The prognosis is another 4-5 months off the bike. I did not ask him if he planned to go "big" again but he did tell me he was selling his frame & fork. I'm guessing the rest of the bike is trashed and therefore all that is left to sell are a few components. Rusty explained that he did a sweet 15' gap that he'd previously done during the race that day with no problems, but this time he was unable to control the speed he carried upon landing and rode off the trail and into a tree. His right leg had left the pedal and smacked the tree breaking his femur below the hip and above the knee! Ouchiemama! Of course the paramedics that were present for the race had since left and it only took a couple of hours for them to show back up! Imagine what was running thru his mind while laying in the trees agonizing in pain; one can only imagine. Here he is with happier thoughts:

Anyway if you want a good deal on a good slightly scratched (see warped and twisted) frame & fork give him a call.

Now the question is: Would I contemplate going "big" again after a crash like this?

Do Catholic ministers make good babysitters for young boys?


Calvin-Still scared


koko joe is co co cold

If you can't come up with something to say on your own...steal it from someone else. This dude makes me giggle like a retard at a peep show. http://porktornado.diaryland.com/letters.html

I won't be riding my bike today. It's fucking cold. If that is a newsflash then your mother should be locked up for letting you eat all of those paint chips.




Got a new poster to the blog and now for some reason a whole bunch of useless shit comes to me? WTF is that.

Anyway now that Showtime's living up to his name I thought I'd top him.

See my newest ride:

That's right; that's what I'm talking about. Check out the funky shock placement and that sweeeet kickstand.

Since my cohorts now going big I thought I'd go small.

Calvin-Huckmaster's grasshopper

i told you

See I told you he'd by funny.

I stand corrected on my description of a "hardcore" biker. If 23° wasn't cold enough for you how about this:

In Wichita this morning I saw a male nurse ride his bike to work at Wesley Hospital; the temp? A balmy 2 degrees with a wind chill of -7°!!! Yeah he was geared up with some nice cold weather riding duds, but sheese 2°!

The normal question of “how big a boy are ya” has to be re-phrased to “how small r ur boys”? Could've sworn he'd be humming some Stefani "I'm just a girl..."

On March 3 of 1985 I dove into a farm pond and didn't see my boys for about 10 days. (Alcohol fueled of course.) Maybe, just maybe this dude will get his back for Christmas.

How do I remember that date? 'Cause that's the day I turned 21.

Calvin-Not nearly as hardcore as I pretend


Stinky like a circus monkey

Why is it that such grand things are always expected out of first times? If your first kiss isn’t with the perfect amount of sensitivity and reserved passion (read: enough with the tongue Romeo) are you forever a bad kisser? If the first sexual experience with a new partner doesn’t resemble an unrealistic scene from any Lifetime movie are you forever labeled a two-pump-chump? If one’s first blog entry is more mind-numbing than a nascar race with Creed playing in the background will they all be? Hell if I know. I hope not. Unfortunately I’m the guy who always tried to cop a feel during the first kiss and thought that a 69 and a pearl necklace were fair game the first time in the backseat sooo…. Don’t hold your breath for inspiration on my first blog entry.

As Calvin mentioned, this weekend was the first ride on my new Kona Stinky and I did so with mixed emotions. Part of me was stoked to finally be able to do some new stuff while the other, more realistic, part of me was scared that I no longer had a good excuse not to. Besides, if you climb higher than your friends simply by buying a taller ladder have you really accomplished anything? Well, climb figuratively I did. I was able to hit a few new lines that were out of my range on the Slayer that I usually ride. Climb literally I did not. The Stinky is heavier than Oprah’s ass in a pair of lead undies but then I don’t plan to don lycra and check my heart rate anytime soon. And by “anytime soon” I mean never. At any rate, I’m damn glad that I’ve got the Kona around now. I have no plans to “huck” or “go big” but hopefully this bike will allow some progression in my riding and be the push I need to build bigger stuff on my own property. Keep a heads up here for pics of that, future rides, and hopefully better posts.

Go ride your bike.


major props

Do you think you're a hardcore rider? I thought I was at least a committed rider until this morning. At 5:46 a.m. I passed a dude commuting with the temp at 23 degrees and the wind chill at 9 degrees. Truly gnar, hcor, and all the other superlatives.

And no he wasn't a derelict.


buddy's coming, and no not like that

After much harassing, begging, pleading, etc. Showtime's finally joining the fray. Look for a new blog name and finally some interesting posts soon. Hopefully he'll talk about the new freeride rig he bought and how on his first endeavor upon the rig he showed it who the boss is. I'll definitely have to take the camera on future rides. I hope to be grasshopper under his tutelage for this type of riding soon.

Calvin-King of Staying Grounded