taking the easy route

Instead of a full fledged write-up of current rides I'll post a quick story I sent to Buddy:

Man, this may be the most sore I've ever been after a 2 hr. ride. I parked up top and rode snake & the squiggly stuff up top and just kind of dicked around trying to re-learn the lights and learn where I need to point my head now that I've got a headlight too. All good & fun & confusing learning to point my head away from the trail to see where it goes up ahead. So after a good learning session I hit the upper squiggles again and come across two dear at the end then headed over to boner/techno/millenium (whatever it's called.) Wow I was a rockstar...for about 1/2 mile. I made it across the creek crossing which surprised me and after awhile I thought to myself hmmm, wonder if I can ride this entire thing dab free which lead to...you guessed it, a true dab-festival. I was all over the trail and saddle with lots of boneless moves. (see skateboarding where you plant a foot) The one thing the lights do not do well is let you know which rock is firmly planted and which is loose, of which there are lots now. Overall I thought I did pretty well, though it took three attempts to clear the rock garden climb on Hi-Chi. The first attempt was only about 10 ft. of trail, the 2nd about halfway, and third time was a charm. The other thing the lights don't do well is let you know the much needed depth perception of exactly how far your dropping off of a rock. When descending the 1/2 rock garden and the little section of trail that goes west toward the upper pond on the south end of boner up top made me ride my bike like a trampoline. Oh, and the reason I'm sore; because I had a serious death grip on the bars. I knew I was over-gripping but for some reason I couldn't stop it.

One other side effect; I had a hard time walking after the ride. It was if my equilibrium was off and it lasted for another two hours.
Here's a crappy pic of night riding.

Rich is home but in a wheelchair; and I can't believe I was happy to hear this, but Stuart had 4 BM's yesterday! Good for him; I bet it's a weird feeling shitting after nothing has came out the back door for 6 months! If all goes well Stuart will go home today or tomorrow.

The last statements have to do with what's been happening to the loved one's in the last month; here's a bullet list of events & peeps:

  • Bro Rich had a road ride accident that broke his pelvis in 5 places. He had a 7 1/2 hour surgery to fix it and went home in a wheelchair; he'll be in it for a few months. He also stated that he may just sell his custom built Serotta!
  • Bro Stuart has just completed his 12 surgery in 24 months; he's doing well now and is home with his fingers crossed and two more minor surgeries looming ahead.
  • Youngest kid had a sinus infection.
  • Oldest kid had an ear infection.
  • Wife has been battling pneumonia for almost a month now.
  • Wife's sister had neck surgery and took a month off work.
  • Me, fat & sassy.

One last ride report; went to OKC on business yesterday and took the SS for some Draper fun. (It's only fun on a SS!) Rode green & yellow loops; started out like shit but finished well.

Lastly, are ya' country? 'Splain to me what this is; hit the comment button, get it right, and I'll give you a prize. (The official prize will be an "attaboy" reply in the comment box.)

Hint: Leaves are edible, berries are poisonous, but poor country folk used to take the berries, squish 'em and use the juice for paint for kids craft projects.


dawg tired

Man it's been a long time since I've done a ride report because...well I just ain't been riding. Life, heat, rain, blah blah blah have kept my tired weak ass off the trail; until Friday...and Sunday! I finally put the rims & tires from the Heckler on the SS and what a difference those babies made. The tubeless tires give the hardtail some much needed cush and allow more bashing thru rockgardens without fear of flats and the weight difference seemed incredible. Whatever it was the Friday ride at Keystone felt like I'd been riding occasionally all along. I felt strong and on my game thru the rocks, and man the rain has exposed a lot more of the big rocks and created a lot of loose rocks. (More on that in a minute.)
Since Friday's ride was so good I just had to go back and do it again Sunday. Stacy had linked together Keystone Friday in such a way that I just fucking loved it. Most of the beginning of the ride flowed well and I thought was just perfect. My riding partner on Sunday got his ass handed to him. Ever had one of those rides where your friends just rip your fucking legs off? I have, tons of times but have never (that I know of anyway) really kicked somebody's ass on the trail who is stronger and fitter than me; but what can I say...Sunday was my day. The poor feller had had all he wanted just one hour into the ride!

Here he is at the first creek crossing resting his tired ass.
Notice how he's just barely in the water.
He eases into it a little more.
And a little more.
Almost there.
Aah, that's the spot.
You feel sorry for the dog? I didn't until we were done. I noticed he was limping across the parking lot and upon further inspection he had ripped the pads off of his front paws. He'd never had any problems at Turkey Mtn. before so I'm guessing it was all the loose rocks that got him here. He's in full doggy rehab mode now (being a lazy bum and getting to sleep in the bed with wifey and I) but will return to the trails soon. And btw he did awesome even though he hadn't been out for awhile. He trailed right behind me perfectly after about 5 minutes; the first five minutes he bumped the rear wheel a couple of times and at one point his bell even hit the tire which is amazing since it is looped thru his collar so he was WAY too close at that point. But after a few small hits he was back in form and loving the shit out of it!

Till next time bitches.


ever hear of Avery Luthi?

You may soon.

His father is a guy I work with. Last year at the Nationals I was trying to hook Ronny and Avery up with Buddy and Jake since they're all in the same situation. The dad's are rippers and so are the kids. Anyway, Ronny calls me Friday and says Warrick Stevenson called him Friday morning and asked if Avery would accept a sponsorship from Kuwahara. Ronny's stoked, the kid only cares about getting this new bike.
How fucking cool is that? He's four fucking years old and he gets a call from one of the big boys in BMX; and he's calling to ask him to ride on his team! Look for him at the Nationals, he'll be on this rig rocking the Kuwahara team kit.

I hope to have some ride reports soon. Stacy's finally getting a 5" travel fork to fit his bike and seems to be stoked to start riding again soon. Me? I'm hitting the trainer at the house and pining away for cooler weather.

See ya later bitches!


stone cold killer

OK, this is way off topic but too weird to pass up not telling somebody. Ever drive along and hit a bird? Happens what maybe once every 5,6, 10 years right? Well two years ago this happened on the trip to Crested Butte. We saw the bird swoop by a little low but thought surely nothing happened, while stopping for gas in Raton, NM sure as shit we found this.

OK, for the weird thing. Back in May I was driving in Arkansas and whap a bird hits the windshield. (#1) No biggie but thankfully no broken glass. Two weeks later while driving with the family a dove darts in front of the car and whap, (#2) it's a gonner. OK, two birds...two weeks. Then the family vacation comes. While driving and going under bridges I make the comment about how close those barn swallows come to the Daddy Wagon but somehow always swerve at the last minute, you guessed it, a little while later whap. (#3) The carnage isn't over though, I hit another dove in Taos New Mexico (#4) and another swallow (#5) in Colorado. Surely it's over 'cause what are the fucking odds right? Well, on the 1st day back to work I'm taking a shortcut on a sidestreet and another dove takes off late and gets it in the ass. (#6) My fucking god this is getting un-freakin'-real. Surely it's over, how many tweeties have to take a dirt nap due to my driving. Well...say hello to #7.
He was found stuck under the Daddy Wagon the other day and still resides there today. He stays as a warning for other fowl friends until he either starts to really stink or falls off and becomes rodent fare.
Maybe a vanity plate with "Stop me, I've killed before and I'll kill again" is necessary to get the message across. Until then the trophy is kinda cool.


pimp my mu fu'n ride

Awhile back you may remember a post about totaling the VeeDub wagon. Well it went down that the wife got the cool Infiniti in the garage and I got her old ride. Not very manly, kinda practical and 100% dorkie. So I had to pimp it...All it took was a cool bike rack, one killer bike, and a sticker from Buddy and what was once a mild mannered milf mommy mobile is now known as the kickass Daddy Wagon.

Now on to some funner shit; been to Turkey lately? Like technical? Get some, it is one tough hombre in most spots due to the massive erosion we've occured lately. Add that to the fact that it's been almost 3 months since I've ridden ANYTHING and you get a sum of one whooped mofo. Didn't ride too much, just wanted to get a feel for it. Surprisingly the dudes I hooked up with wouldn't hit Lip Buster on the way out and after riding it I see why. It is by far the toughest I've ever seen it and add in the fact that it's damn hard to even see the trail in a few spots due to the vegetation sprawl and you've really got a badass mamma jamma on your hands. I rode it but by no means did I rail it. After seeing that there has been many other riders obviously riding when the trails were soaked I think I'll start riding when they're soaked too. I can't imagine more riders making the trails any rougher than they currently are. Besides that, when it's 90 degrees outside with 80% humidity those trails aren't drying anyway so I might as well enjoy riding when it's only 70 degrees and 100% humidity.

As we say here at work; fuck it-get a bucket!


todays freakin' world

I've got no idea how this ties to a cycling blog; but it sure fucking pissed me off. To tell the complete story would take way too long so I'll do a bullet list and try to shorten it up:

  • Oldest daughters now 12
  • She got her first hair “style” recently and the ok to wear light makeup
  • Now a 14 year old boy likes her, he’s one of her friends brothers
  • He comes to the house Thursday while I’m out of town to speak to her, she doesn’t want to go out and talk to him (and his friend, he’s important to the story {now known as #1}.)
    Friday they come back to the house and again she doesn’t want to go out; approximate time 6:15 p.m.
  • Approximately 7:00 p.m. I take her to the skating rink. While leaving the ‘hood I saw accomplice #1 walk across the street and hop on a skateboard. As he rides away I notice he’s got the same trucks as my daughter.
  • Hmmm, I think but don’t say a word to my kiddo.
  • When I arrive home sure as shit her skateboards gone.
  • Starsky jumps into action and goes looking for #1.
  • After awhile I can’t find him so I go to #2’s house and talk to his dad since #2’s out skating.
    Tell dad story he assures me his kid wouldn’t do that. (sure)
  • Back on the streets I find #1 on a bike and call #2’s dad. He now says his kid’s home and said #1 wanted to “jack” it for the trucks but that he didn’t see anything. (again...sure.)
  • #1 denies everything and takes off the other way to escape me.
  • He doesn’t, as stated before it’s rained forever here so his tracks into a yard and next to a fence do nothing to hide his tracks but it sure pisses me off.
  • I corner #1 and tell him to take me to his house so off we go. He tries to ditch me several times, but if you’ve seen my TV show you know I know these mean streets like the back of my hand.
  • When asked for his phone number and address he says “I don’t know”. The little fucker’s really pissing me off now.
  • Final ultimatum issued: House or cops.
  • He chooses cops.
  • I ringy-ding 911 and the cop says to let him go and they’ll send someone to the house.
    Sure as shit they do. While she’s there, #2 rolls up on a broken Huffy and says #1 gave this to him last week. The cop’s eye’s go all a glitter. She snags #2 into the car and away they go.
  • #2 says he doesn’t know the kids last name, his phone number, or where he lives. (sure)
  • Cop gets yearbook from the kids school, does her research, drops #2 off at his house, hopefully to an ass whoopin’, and searches for #1. She finds him and he’s still denying everything to the cop and his mother.
  • Cop loads #1 into the car to go to #2’s house to straighten this out; on her way #1’s mom calls and says there’s a board there she’s never seen.
  • They arrive at #1’s house to find my daughters board broken in half, supposedly from a failed trick. (sure)
  • Cop brings the board back and calls #1’s mom while there, she assures me she’ll be in touch by noon the next day and we’ll meet at the shop and get my kid a new board.
  • Of course the bitch doesn’t call; I call her at two, leave voice message, and the dad calls back at 4 and says; “I was texted to call you, I heard my son did something but his mother and I don’t talk so can you tell me what's up?”
  • FUCK YOU PEOPLE, they’re you're fucking kids...TALK OFTEN!
  • I tell him the scoop, and he says he doesn’t have the $50 to take care of the board. (imagine that) “Maybe I can next week” he says. (sure)

I told you it was a long story and sadly with no ending...yet. I’ll post again if the dad comes thru, if not it’s more cop action and maybe a little shit mowing my lawn for the rest of the summer.

As the cowboys say “Fuck with a bull and you’ll get horned”. Next time I hope I can remember to use that fancy little camera that comes with my phone; this would’ve been a killer post with a pic of the little shit. Maybe I’ll get one either at the skateshop or with him mowing my lawn.


remember the last post...

About the weather? Hah! It rained HARD every stinking day. Yesterday's weather said no rain and while traveling back to Tulsa I went by Turkey...of course it was fucking raining...HARD! Here's the latest:I promise it'll rain every fucking day...HARD! I crap you negative.

Lack of riding is forcing people to get shed of good shit, here's a set of Mavic Crossmax Enduro's I got for two bills. They retail for $499 and they've only got about 5 short rides on 'em; I know that 'cause I was with the dude who owned 'em and was with him each and every time.
I didn't need a new set of wheels, but at the current pace that I go thru wheels, or was before the 5 month monsoon season set in, I'll put 'em to good use soon enough.


i'm on a hellbound trail, ahh yeah

That's the best forecast we've had in over a month, hoo damn am I excited to actually think there might be a chance to ride on something other than a mud pie trail. BTW, when it says 30-40%, that's not a chance of rain, that's how long it'll rain.

Since there hasn't been any riding to be had 'round these parts, the old farts' turned cantankerous. It's got nothing to do with riding but what the fuck, here goes.

Been to a grocery store with the self checkout lanes yet? They're awesome when you just have a few things to get. They are not awesome when some 300# octegenarian parks her ass in front of it without a clue of how to operate it. They should have a sign that reads: "If you can't text message or send an email; don't even think about it." Anyway after getting miffed at the old/fat broad wasting my time @ Li'l Wal-Mart the other day I stopped in an Albertson's on the way home to pick up a few items. Now Albertson's has the right idea; they have a manned bank of the self check-out lanes, big help for the old fucks who don't know what to do. That's not my problem here, my problem was the staff. See this old lady was checking herself out and some young dude with a dust mop comes to clean up some spilled dry spaghetti. I understand that this could be a slip and fall issue but this dipwad was trying to mop up the bits under the old broads feet and repeatedly kept bumping her sneakers sending dust all over them. After he does this a few times I step up and tell him it'd be a LOT FUCKING EASIER if he'd wait until she's done OR ask her to move. He stares at me dumbfoundedly like I'm El Diablo; the old lady says yes just give me a minute and then says thanks to me. Well, I wasn't done and I was pissed so out comes "Oh you're to fucking blame too; why would you come to this line when you don't have a fucking clue how to operate the goddamn thing."
must ride bikes

born with a tail


late update

We've pretty much fell off the map around here lately. Just a quick update, if anyone hasn't made their way down Lo Chi since we hit it with the saws then check it out. We have yet to fix the major log jam but everything else has been cleared. Thanks to the kind offers of lumber we're going to get that done soon. I think we're actually going to get that giant trunk down on the ground and THEN build the ladder bridge over it. It will take a lot of extra work to lower it but that is what it will take to ensure that it's rideable by everyone. Further down the trail we cleared almost everything out but left a few of the smaller logs for a challenge at Kevin's suggestion. (I'm a big puss and would probably have cleared the entire thing) Apparently the challenge that it's created has gotten some "atta boys" over on MTBR so I'm glad that I listened to him. Yeah, we should have taken some before-n-after pics of everything but that would make this post entirely too interesting. My little boy Jake and his baseball team have been rocking lately and that has taken up every bit of our spare time. The season should be over this week and we'll get him back to the BMX track. Cash has been a bit tight lately so rather than spring for the new cruiser I guess I'm gonna nut up and try the 20" for a while. Maybe, just maybe, I won't be the absolute slowest thing out there. And if I am, oh well. I'll be riding with Jake and that is all that matters. Hope everyone got out to watch at least one event at Tulsa Tough. Sonofabitch those folks are amazing. Sure their fitness is unbelievable but anyone willing to chance crashing at those speeds in their underwear gets a high-five from me.

Go ride,


trailwork talk

Wow. We got responses. From 2 folks no less. That's 2 more than I thought read this shit. Seriously though, thanks a lot guys for the input! Really stoked on the free wood offer. (Sweet Jesus that sounded gay) .... My personal opinion on any sort of construction on public property is that it should be as rideable as the rest of the trail it's on. In this case on Lo Chi, I should be able to cruise over it on my singlespeed without feeling the need to unclip to save my ass. I want it to flow like the rest of the trail and not be an obstacle. If someone wants to do something with the rest of that giant fallen tree (ie: log ride, skinnies, etc...) I couldn't be more indifferent. I enjoy the overall flow and sustainablity of a well built trail. Riding a balance beam just isn't my cup o' tea. But I digress... the kungFUbiking trail maitenance team will be heading down to Lo Chi sometime this weekend to clear the obvious stuff. We will evaluate the bigger obstacles and try to determine whether a bridge or a rerouting of the trail is required. Again, big thanks for the input and offers. Stay in touch and we will get something going.

Drink up,


response requested

Last week when I rode Turkey there were 2 very large trees down across Lo Chi. I really dig that short little trail and I'd like to get out there and fix that. Maybe this weekend. If anyone knows whether or not this has already been done and to what extent I'd appreciate the comments.

Why do I ask? Why not just swing by on my way home from work, stroll down the trails, and see for myself? Walk into those woods, dressed for the office, no bike...? Riiiight. I'm not against the homos but I'd rather not appear to be trying out for the team.

If anyone has info on the current trail condition, do your civic duty and pass it on. I'll do my duty and fix 'em.

Let me know,


i'd rather watch this

Alright, this whole Landis thing is something that I should have absolutely no opinion on. While I love riding bicycles I have very limited experience actually racing bicycles. Moreover, my results from those races was damn pathetic. I think an elderly man with an oxygen bottle may have passed me at the last, and I do mean LAST, mountain bike race that I did. Maybe it's due to my wimpy asthmatic lungs and maybe I'm just a puss. Despite all of that, do I think that he doped? The lab results sure make it sound that way. The results from a French lab certainly do. Maybe there is a little conspiracy there and maybe not. Whatever the court determines Floyd's victory will always have an asterisk, the purity of pro cycling will always be questioned, and Scott Stapp will always suck.

I think they should fire the whole damn lot of 'em and replace them with the participants of the latest Cycle Messenger World Championship. No police escorts or closing of the roads, no chase vehicles, and no drug policy. The course would not be predetermined. The riders would simply be given a starting point and a final destination. They could come up with their own special stages and the whole thing would end with a giant derby. I'd tune in for that.

Go ride,


I usually don't mention these things...

But I think Floyd is somewhat innocent. Why somewhat? 'Cause he's doing what all the others do and I don't care if they dope or not. But super-high testosterone is common in Americans; just see for yourself here.

If O.J. can get off, Floyd should too! And Floyd, if you need help it's available!


i just couldn't resist

Nothing to say; I would just ruin the editorial cartoons.

ding dong the asshole's dead

Good riddance.

Televangelist, Christian Leader Jerry Falwell Dies

"I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians, who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who try to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen." ...Falwell's comment after 9/11.

"Christian" leader? Is that a "christian." If it turns out to be then I'm definitely not. Whatever the case, that hate comes 'round don't it Jerry? Enjoy the dirtnap fatass.

I'm no good...you're no better,


slow to post

First things first, I did go to the fancy knee doctor about my ....you guessed it... knee. He said there was definitely something going on in there, duh, but he didn't want to jump right into surgery. He shot some steroids under my kneecap and then gave me a giant rubber band and some exercises to do to pull my kneecap back in line. He gave me a month of that before I see him again. I'm not sure I agree with that but then I'm just an uneducated jackass. I asked him if it was OK to ride in the meantime and he says "Sure, just don't go over any hills." ... Apparently unless you're a college or pro athlete you're just supposed to suck. It did feel better a few days after the shot but it's slowly going back to shit now. The exercises seem sort of pointless. I've been doing 'em but they just seem too easy to do any good.

Sorta gave my 24" cruiser to a kid at the track. He's a good kid and needed one. It's not the nicest race bike around. Just your base level GT Cruiser. Definitely a little heavy and he's changing quite a few things to change that. Once my knee gets better I'll pick up another because, no matter how much I try, I cannot get comfortable on the 20". After spending so much time on 26 and 29" wheels that's just too big a change for me. I'm a pussy like that. Think I'm gonna grab a Felt soon.

On the music front I got my first Supersuckers fan club cd. Rocks as expected. Also picked up a few new discs lately. If you dig rockabilly, psychobilly....whatever phrase floats your boat... then I suggest checking out the Nekromantix. Not bad at all. Goofy looking fuckers but then ain't we all?
If you're in the Oklahoma area and dig AMA Flattrack racing I highly suggest you move your ass to the Lazy E arena this weekend. See www.mkeg.com for details on that. Gonna be a good show.

Who knows, it might actually dry enough here this week to put tires to trail without tearing things up.

Go ride,



Welcome to...

Seattle East!
Fuck it's rained alot 'round these parts lately. It hasn't mattered much to me lately though since I've had little to no time to ride and even littler motivation. My funk is true and can only brighten if the fucking skies clear. See, my bro Stuart's been to hell and back (and even said he saw the grim reaper once) due to two major surgeries all within a month. (Total of 9 surgeries in the last two years; 3 of 'em majors.) While he laid waisting away in Hotel de la St. Francis for 33 of 37 days the family (his wife) turned this turd of a problem into a major D R A M A!!! While recuperating from his first surgery he said how happy he was he'd started mountain biking; it seems it's the only thing he's found that totally wipes out his work thoughts! I sure hope he can ride again; as it stands now that 5 ride old Specialized Enduro Pro won't see Turkey again unless he decides to go under the knife again and risk having this entire scenario repeat itself. I'll support him either way.
During the drama poor li'l ole me felt obligated to keep the mixed nuts in the can from killing each other and the burden of it all made me snap. El Diablo raised it's head and I partook; and continue even now that he's been out for a few days and seems headed in the right direction.

Oh well; I'll quit again...later. For now; I look forward to riding again with a big ol' fucking dip in. It's been 442 days since I last enjoyed that treat. On the bright side though; shitting has been un-fucking-believably fantastic since I rejoined the redneck fray.
I did get one ride in during this fiasco that included the wife on her new whip and my daughter. It was my wife's 1st time to ride since she went back to college to get her masters degree and her skill level showed it. She was quite embarrassed that our 12 year old daughter put it on her and that she actually wiped out on the snake run. In the end she said she enjoyed it and looked forward to riding with the family; and that's what it's all about; gettin' outside with the family or your bro's and having a blast, ragging on each other and eating shit once in awhile.
Outside of trick-fucking there is no finer sport in America.


the knee bone is connected to the ..... nerve endings

Well, I finally did it. I made the appointment with my doctor today to get the ball rolling on getting my knee fixed. It's gotten so bad that I can't trust it anymore. What's even worse is that I've grown so used to it hurting that when I watch, or read about, someone riding, skating, trickfucking, etc... I don't get inspired to do it myself. I just wince thinking about how much it would hurt. That mentality sucks. I'm not 100% sure what is wrong with it but my doc thinks that it should be a quick fix. It's none of that ACL/MCL type stuff. What happens is that when I get it bent about halfway and try to put pressure through it it feels like there is gravel in it trying to push my knee cap up and away from my leg. Hopefully it will be a quick fix so I can get back to some level of progression and maybe it won't be too financially draining and I can start buying ramp materials soon.

Take care,



Just got the latest issue of Juice in the mail this week. I've only had time to read the interview with Mike Vallely so far but that was all it took to get me motivated to get off my ass. Off my ass to do what? Everything. Number one though is to get back to cleaning the shop so that ramp construction may finally begin. Not only do I want my boy Jake to know the simple fun of skating but I want him to have a connection to the personalities and culture that it is. Even though he's only 6 I can tell that he will really enjoy everything about it. So Dave, if you're reading, I haven't forgotten. We're just buried under little league and BMX. It's gonna get done though. Gonna MAKE time.




For destroying Easter! The Easter Bunny is dead!
I'm not sure when it went down, but it went down and thru a varmint who then shat it upon thy trail. Thankfully it was found the day AFTER Easter.

Nice little find on this trail:

And this'd be a nice trail nugget if it wasn't 40 freakin' degrees!

You hit this baby at top speed; the map said creek crossing and I suspected it would be the typical right angle crossing but as you can see you ride along the creek which creates a wall of water that I got to ride thru. Oh well it was worth the 30 second high speed descent with a few small jumps along the way.

A couple of rants:

  1. If you're going to have a race, don't do it on Easter! The promoter gets hosed and of course people bitch because the turn out is so low. Duh you dumb mother fuckers! RACE VIDEO
  2. If you use the digital camera put new batteries in it when they run out! That way when I take said camera on a trip it'll actually work and I won't have to use the tinker toy camera attached to my cell phone.

And lastly and in cahoots with Buddy's last post:

I'd always thought that to be a fast mountain biker who could climb shit you really needed to clip in. (It's the only way I could ever garner any speed and climb molehills.) But last week after a meeting in Arkansas I went for a ride with a co-worker who races BMX named Ronny and his friend. (Who's name's lost on me; let's go with Animal.) We rode the Lake Fayetteville trail which if rode clockwise is a fun trail that's 90% downhill. Well Ronny and Animal decide to take me the opposite way which makes it about a 4 mile sufferfest of a fucking climb; not too steep mind you but constantly up-fucking-hill. NO FUN WHATSOEVER. Of course being old school BMX'ers they didn't clip in and as you can probably guess Animal cleaned everything while Ronny cleared almost everything, and I walked/pushed quite a bit. About 80% of the way thru the trail I got my whine on and bitched 'em out; I'm sure they were just trying to punish me...and they did...the fuckers. I was worked and spewed things like: "DID YOU SEE THE OTHER 50 FUCKING RIDERS WHO PASSED BY GOING THE OTHER FUCKING WAY? KNOW WHY THEY FUCKING DO THAT? 'CAUSE IT'S FUCKING FUN TO GO DOWNHILL!" Asswipes. Anyway, I'd told them to come to Tulsa for some Turkey fun and they said they would. I'd originally thought I'd start them out on some beginner trails but after this ass whoopin' it'll be straight to Hi Chi and over to Millennium. Turnabout is fair play. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. They better sleep with one eye up for awhile.



Supa Nationals ... Daaaaamn Right

My little boy Jake raced the ABA "Super National" in Desoto, Texas this weekend and had a blast. Friday was practice with a pre-race Friday night. It rained so much I thought that Noah was fixing to cruise by any minute but thanks to the wonderful covered facility of the Metroplex there in Desoto the races didn't miss a beat. Due to the water running through staging the gate may have gotten a little wet but hell, it does have "motocross" in the name, a little adversity thrown down by Ma Nature is good.

Speaking of doing good I couldn't be more proud of Jake. I don't say that because he killed everyone in the results but because of the whole package that he is. While he did ride really good and made 2 mains over the weekend (winning one qualifier to do it) it was his attitude off the track that I was really stoked on. On the track I could tell he was giving it his all while still remaining smooth. Off the track he played, made friends, and did what all little kids should do....some of you bmx nazi dad's should pay attention here.... He had fun! What a cool little dude.

I gotta take a minute here to say that I really think 6 year olds running clipless pedals on their BMX bikes is ridiculous. Hell, I think clipless pedals even being allowed in BMX for any age is worth questioning. Sure everyone goes faster but the racing just isn't as carefree as it should be. To me it takes the fun out of banging bars in the corners for fear of unclipping and it limits the amount of progression in riding due to the fear of NOT unclipping. Right now Jake may be at a disadvantage on the starts but we ain't doing this for results in 6I. I'd rather see him progress his riding, learn how to race in the corners, jump, manual, etc... Him having fun and progressing as a rider is why we do this stuff. I figure whenever results are important enough to him that he feels he needs to clip in he'll really do well. Or he won't....and we'll still have a blast riding bicycles together.

Do something fun with your kids. They're probably way cooler than you are. I know mine is.


yes i was wearing a helmet

Unfortunately not only do those little mushroom headed bicycle helmets look dorky as hell they just don't cover much. Nonetheless I'm glad that I was wearing it. 10-11 stitches on the inside and 7 on the outside. Sucks because me and the Slayer were working perfectly up until the lights got turned out.

Go ride. Wear your helmet.



i have a weapon in my pants

Before I explain that ignorant title, I'm damn sure glad to hear that my bro Kevin is alright after the fender bender. Can't wait to hear his tales of beating the rental car like a stubborn mule. And now, more mindless blabbering bullshit...

A few nights ago we got a call at our house from the Dove Foundation. Ever heard of these uptight jackasses? http://www.dove.org/ The first thing the frigid cunt on the other end of the phone asks me is “Can I speak to the lady of the house?” Had I been thinking I would have, in the deepest voice possible, replied with a simple “Speaking.” But I wasn’t on my A-game, told her that the lady of the house was busy, and asked if I could help. Again she says “Is the lady of the house available.” Again I tell her “Nope” and ask if she wants to relay a message. Well I guess Queen Dead-in-bed decided that I’d do and proceeded to read some prepared questions to me. She basically wanted to know if I agreed that Hollywood made too many R rated movies and not enough G rated ones. I told her “No” and that I didn’t really care. She then read another prepared question that basically asked the same thing. Again I told her “no” and again she tried to get me to agree with her. Normally this is the point when I get all creepy and start asking the phone solicitor specific questions about what kind of panties she has on. (this works great by the way) But like I said, I wasn’t on my A-game and by this time she’d pissed me of anyway. I told her that our kid does more than sit around and watch movies, he’s seen his fair share of cutesy ones lately, and that the wife and I dig movies for us too. Obviously this solicitation for poll results that they can manipulate was coming up empty handed and the phone call ended quickly thereafter. This poor lady needs to get fucked. And I don’t mean “get fucked” in the sense that I wish bad things for her. I mean she really needs to get fucked. And well.

Organizations like this confuse the hell outa me. Take the movie rating system for instance. Why is sex considered more evil and wrong than killing someone? You can go to any theatre (or hell you can just watch tv) and see folks get mutilated 100 different ways on any day. Just make sure that the murder victims aren’t too naked or sexed up because that’d require a higher rating. Penetration by some dude’s hawg is vulgar but penetration by a knife? Totally cool. ... WTF?

So why the fuck am I again posting on this here bike blog about something that has absolutely nothing to bikes? Well, the real reason is because this was meant to be a post about the freshly redesigned backyard bmx track but the sun went down before I got pics last night. But a more noble answer? Because maybe I hope that by some strange chance just one of the folks from the Dove Foundation, through my shitty writing, will see the light, take all of that energy, and put it into something more worthwhile. Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are put out how about trying something a little more helpful? There are millions of kids out there who are hungry, sick, neglected, abused, etc… Instead of worrying about what kind of movies are offered to little Johnny Suburbia why not concentrate on things like that?

And by the even greater chance this is being read by the specific ice queen who rang my digits the other night… Good luck with that orgasm and all of its “evil” sweetness.

Go ride,


fupped duck

Fucked up has been my life lately. Not necessarily in a bad way; just an odd way. Take for instance the month of February. The shortest work month worked out to be my highest business travel month ever. I drove over 2800 working miles all in 20 days. Add in the fact that I probably spent 7 or so days in the office then the miles per day gets way out of whack.

It leads me to this:

That's right, free me! It's not all bad though, I still probably fit in a good 8-10 rides this month so I'm not complaining too much. Besides, I rode with my Bro several times and actually rode with a few old bro's too. But all this travel has paid off in spades on the business side. If all goes as planned we should have about a 25% growth spurt this year.

Speaking of spurts...I just passed my 43rd b-day and didn't get a single one. The b-day day was planned for a ride with Stacy & Justin, haven't heard of them in awhile eh? I got the ride in but just a few minutes into it the wife text messaged me saying the oldest kid was sick and our plans of a "fun" day were dashed upon the rock of puking kid.

Oh well, as always it could be worse. (But I do think I now hold the record for the most consecutive shitty birthdays!) Like I said it could've been an "Holy Shit!" day:

My "Holy Shit!" day came four days after my birthday!

Still it could be worse, and hopefully the doc doesn't tell me today that it is.


is that the ..... sun?

We finally got a break in both the cold and the moisture here in Okieland and we have taken full fucking advantage of that. Sunday we rode 100's and had a blast. I rode Grant's 100 with full dirt track tires on the nicely prepped 2nd gear oval for just a few laps and I'm hooked again. Gonna take the knobby tire of the rear of mine and throw a dirt track tire back on a la American Supercamp. (ok, a bit of a confession here...i can't figure out how to hyperlink. i don't know if it has something to do with Kevin being the original owner of this account or what but i've tried to follow blogger's instructions and the buttons they tell me to use don't exist on my log-in. ... so forgive me for being outdated and retarded) ... Where was I? AH!! American Supercamp! Check it: http://www.americansupercamp.com . I haven't been but Grant has and he's conveyed a ton of great info that translates to all kinds of riding with or without motors. I wish I had some cool pics to post of this weekend's session but I only have this one from a few months back when things were still green. That's Van tryin' to figure out if he's got what it takes to ride Jake's bike while I gas up the hunerd.

Speakin' of Jake I busted him outa kindergarten Monday afternoon to ride dirt bikes. A very cool day indeed. Here he be lookin' smooth. Again, this pic from the same day as the other.

Tuesday the BMX track was finally dry enough for the kids to practice on and they all had a blast. It's nice to be back in the swing of things. On the way there I swung by T-Town and picked up a light. I threw it on the Rig last night for a nice backroad ride to blow some cobwebs outa my chicken legs. You'd think with a name like NiteRider it would talk to you or somethin' but no dice. Turns out it's just a light. Oh well. Works good.

And last but definitely not least, I finally got off my ass and sent my payment in for a membership to the P.I.T. Hot damn! I had heard enough of cool bootleg cd's and other things that i was missing out on. Now I've got 3 years worth of it on the way.

Long live the Evil Powers of Rock-n-Roll!!!



hobos vs. huckers

Kevin recently sent me a post from some local mountainbike forum thingy. (i have no idea where these things are) Our local trail spot, Turkey Mountain, caters to all sorts. Folks take their kids out there for nature walks. Some people actually trailer their horses there to ride. (Why people bring horses INTO the city to ride is beyond me.) But bikes are the main mode of transportation and this is especially so the further you get from the main parking lot. Another thing that gathers further away? Hobos. Being a fan of Kerouac, I'm a fan of hobos. In fact, I prefer the term "hobo" to "bum". "Bums" stand on street corners and ask for you to sustain them. "Hobos" do their own thing further away from the public eye and generally sustain themselves. ... What was I talking about? .... Oh yeah, the forum post. It turns out this kind biker noticed that the shady stunts near hoboland were beginning to disappear. At the same time this kind biker noticed a new inhabitant to hoboland always had a nice big fire. It's been damn cold 'round here lately and hobo's gotta stay warm too. Why am I describing this particular bike as "kind"? Well, while he doesn't personally partake in the stunts he put a warning on the board to those who do that they might wanna check things out pre-huck to make sure that part of their ramps hadn't become firewood. Very cool of him.

Now this is obviously kindling (notice the pun?) for a big discussion. Who is in the wrong? Is el hobo wrong for dismantling the stunts? I'm sure plenty will say that he is. But these stunts were mainly built from discarded pallets from the Pepsi plant which backs up to the woods. They were built "illegally" too. I'm not even going to debate the wrong-or-right-ness of that because I couldn't give 2 pinches of monkey shit whether or not someone builds these things. To each his own and I enjoy the easier ones from time to time. Anyway, the way I see it, 20 years ago, before this whole freeride thing existed, those pallets would have went straight from the back of the Pepsi plant to the hobos fire. Keepin' his toes warm and maybe heatin' up a can o' beans. Now the lifecycle of the pallets simply has an extra step. They go from the back of the Pepsi plant, some folks ride their bikes on them, then firewood. Pallets enjoyed by 2 tribes instead of 1. Now I'm sure everyone doesn't share my hippy view of world peace and whatnot. That's cool and they can preach the opposite on their own little soapbox on the side of the info-supa-highway. But when it's this cold outside, if someone's recreational toys get destroyed to keep a brotha' alive... How can you bitch about that? If you can afford a bike to ride on those stunts, you can afford to rebuild them occasionally.

Be careful out there,


a real Hot Wheels car

Click el title-o for a great post-o from senor Coop.

Yes THAT is a post about hot rods.

Yes THIS is a blog that is sort of loosely based around bicycles. Sort of. Sometimes. Unfortunately the weather has been too shitty for too long around here to get stoked on bicycles or anything else outdoors for that matter. Go ahead. You folks from cold climates can rail down on my lightweight ass right now about how much colder, snowier, and all aroudn shittier the conditions are where you live but you ride anyway blah blah blah.... That's great. I'm happy for ya. You are so hardcore. Me? Not so much. Usually when it gets cold and icey here in Okieland it's gone the next week. One week it's in the teens with ice and the next it's in the 60's. Therefore I've never invested in much cold weather cycling gear. One more winter like this and I will though. Until then, I'm checking out hot rod stuff. Those of you who ARE riding bikes in it? Good for ya.

You go ride...I'll just drink,


think your bad?

Remember Dave? aka Whistler? Remember how I said he was tough and a hell of a strong rider? Come to find out he's a tad bit tougher than I'd originally thought, check this email out:

I guess I need to learn to listen better. The doctor had told me to watch my shoulder after my bike accident. I thought since it had been a couple of years I could start working towards building the muscle back. So I decided I would go back to doing pull ups. During my third set last night I heard a pop. When I got down my arm is about 1/2" lower than it was. I now have an unsightly bump. A lot worse than I already had. I guess I ripped my muscle. So my pull up days must be over. It does not hurt, but it feels awkward. And is tender as hell.
But I am still up for mountain biking Saturday.


E-fucking-gads! He's not just an animal, he's a crazy animal!



While I struggle with whether or not Larry the Cable Guy's funny; I do know his mantra fits this scenario.

When: Friday Jan. 12th, 2007, 4:00 p.m.
Weather: 20°, sleet, freezing rain
Roads: Treacherous

This guy's gittin' er done:
Nice crack in the windshield eh? Got that from the last snow storm we had.

Bad picture? I don't think so, that's how fucking nasty it was Friday.
This ain't no picture of no DUI addict who has to ride his bike; no this guy chose this. He's got all the gear and I guess the right mindset. Me? Hell no. I sometimes get off on the pain cycling induces but I would never attempt this.



The kickass wife got me this for Christmas:

This guy rules the entire show; well him and Romaniuk. He's 38 and RIPS! His name is Randy Spangler, forever known to me now as Randy "Fucking" Spangler. He's the type of guy you wanna ride with, cool as a cuke and happy to be on two wheels. And to make things even better he's sponsored by Santa Cruz. Guys like this make me wanna buy more SC products just so they can keep supporting him.

This guy, Nathan Greenwood, just about ruins the entire 2 disc set. This asswipe needs a manpon. Why he even saddles up is a guess. He whines for two discs. After Darren Berrecloth leaves he say he's not "impressed"! What? DB kills it and works his ass off repeatedly and eats shit regularly for his efforts. Sadly he's sponsored by Santa Cruz; hopefully that'll all change when his contract is up 'cause he makes me not wanna spend money with SC.

Evidently I'm not alone:

I guess watching this season just proves the fact that good rides are made better with good buddies, and much shittier with dickheads.
And Nate pal, you're a fucking dickhead.